I was walking to get dinner and I had my headphones in...but I didn't notice there was no music on until I got there; I didn't do this on purpose. My inner monologue was so engaging and rich it lasted me the ten minute walk when I finally realized I had my headphones in.

I needed that walk though...needed that time to reflect on the recent past, present, and future.
____

I had a performance class this past quarter and we were given some questions we could ask a person we had to perform as in class. I never used these questions because I performed one of my good friends but I figured I'd answer them now for myself, for the readers that care.

What are three of your typical gestures:
I guess when I'm thinking I tilt my head and bite my lip. When I get angry, stressed, or frustrasted my bottom lip purses up. Also, I guess when I'm talking to someone my eyes open wider and I use my hands a lot if I'm having trouble with a concept.

What are your three of your unique vocal qualities:
Of late I feel like I'm developing an accent which stresses the middle of words, I don't know, it's weird and I don't know why I'm getting it. Normally, I feel like I have a pretty traditional MidWest-Michigan accent, which I don't think there really is one. I talk pretty regularly.

How do you feel when a stranger enters into your personal space:
I guess nervous. There's got to be a reason for that person to get so close and if you're just meeting a person or you don't know them at all it's hard to be sure of a motive.

How do you physically respond when you are angry:
Well my fists clench. I get very talkative and ramble. I may curse, a lot. I don't raise my voice very much, I'm not that kind of person. I don't get mad very much but I do boil over at points; I've been pretty good at maintaining a temper ever since middle/high school. My friends know the story of prom-planning hahaha, simply classic.

What things consistently make you smile:
Compliments because I take them to heart. Being on stage and doing theater. I love it so much. Networking. Flirting at any point in a relationship.

When you last cried, what was it about:
I can't remember the last time I cried but it was probably after a movie. Actually, the last time I remember I cried was when i watched the Scrubs series finale on Comedy Central at the beginning of this school year; it was really sad because I love that show and it was really well done. It was awkward though because mid-cry I got a knock on my door from two people who wanted to ask me a question so I had to supress the tears and the embarrassment as much as I could in order to talk to them hahaha. I was really close to tears many times last quarter because I felt so stressed out and didn't know how I could handle it all. I would literally have to fall into bed after a long day and keep myself from breaking down.

Are you uncomfortable being alone:
No, I guess not. I get bored sometimes but I've gotten used to being alone...I would tell you about it, but it might make me cry hahaha.

How do you feel when there is silence:
Amazing. It's something that I miss here in the city. It's never dead silent here like it gets back home. I remember during Winter Break I got home from hanging out with friends and stood out in my back yard staring up at the stars for at least thirty minutes...it was wonderful...even though it was below zero.

What spiritual activities do you engage in each day? Week? Year:
Not many, unless you count writing as a spiritual activity which I should because it really is something so therapeutic to me, much like a religious person may think praying is therapeutic. I also celebrate spiritual holidays, but don't really involve myself in the spiritual side of them.

What happens after death:
I guess I'll figure that out someday, right? Hopefully not soon. I want to believe there's some life after death. I've grown to like myself and could live with myself for eternity. I want there to be a spirit within me that goes on and continues to learn.

How do you feel about "Christmas":
Good concept but we've lost touch with the meaning. It's a holiday though and I'm all for holiday's.

How do you feel about "Hanukkah":
Mozletov. I've never celebrated it but I like that people are proud of their religion enough to keep celebrating Hanukkah and not let the Christmas freaks get their hopes down.

What was the last book you read that was not assigned for class:
Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I had never read Kurt Vonnegut and decided it was finally time during my Winter Break and into my second quarter this year.

What course or person most expanded your thinking:
That is an incredibly tough question to answer because I am a product of the people that I've met and interacted with over the years. I've learned and picked up things from people that I've only talked to for a few hours. I guess though one of the driving people in my life was Mr. Dwyer, a teacher I had for every year in high school. He taught me a lot about myself and how a person should be. I owe a lot to him. I owe a lot to all of my teachers, but I guess him especially because we were pretty close.

How do you feel about television:
It's good for what ails you,...

In what activities are you the most creative:
Writing, Theater, pretty much anything I set my mind to I try and do it wholeheartedly, and I'm creative either way so you bring me into something and you get my level of creativity too in any situation. I don't like to start something and leave it unfinished (thanks Dad, I have you to blame for that one haha).

If you had to choose a career in some artistic field, what career would you choose:
Acting in one man shows that I have written for thousands of people and writing a sports column on the side.

What book or poem is particularly meaningful to you:
My Norton Anthology of Poetry, damn is that thing awesome. I also cling to the Alex Rider adventure books I read as a kid because they were always entertaining to read.

When was the last time you did something artistic:
I believe I'm doing some artistic thing by writing this blog :D

What is your favorite clothing for attending class, going out to dinner, and staying at home:
I like jeans and a shirt, long sleeve or short sleeve, for all the above, but I do like to dress up every now and again when something is going on outside of the house.

What are your views on body modifications:
There are extremes. To what level you want to take your body I respect that but I also note that there are social norms and people notice when you bend them including me. I'm not saying they're bad, they just pop out in a crowd, no offense need be taken.

What style of language do you speak at home, with friends, in class:
Natural at home, though I do censor myself to please my family. Informal with friends, whatever comes to mind I don't hold back. In class I push the envelope between informal and formal because I'm that smart-ass who makes a funny comment when nobody answers the question the professor is asking. Oh the stories I have from those experiences.

Well, that's all the questions. Congrats for reading this far! Any follow up questions don't hesitate to ask; any extrapolations you want I will do.

I haven't spent a lot of time listening to the radio, watching MTV, or anything like that during this school year so this Spring Break has been an eye opener to some new artists that are really awesome.

First up One EskimO:
I have fallen in love with their easy listening beats and sweeping lyrics. I also like how they have half an album of songs and the other half music videos called "The Adventures of One EskimO." So far all of the videos I have seen are ballin' and I will be purchasing the album very soon. Here's one of their singles and original videos.


Next is Dan Black:
Dan Black is a lot like MIKA, but a lot calmer and more hip-hop. I enjoy him for that and his songstyle.So one of my friends gave me Kid Cudi's albums and it is amazing, I could listen to it in its entirety many times over. This is Dan Black ft Kid Cudi in a song called "Symphonies," which is another great music video. I encourage you to check out more Dan Black specific stuff too, you won't be disappointed.


Copeland:
Saw them live on their farewell tour and only heard one of their songs previous to seeing the concert. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This is one of the songs that stood out to me most.


I've been in a very laid back mood which is why a lot of the music follows that but here's a more upbeat song I saw him perform, it was rather good. My own qualm with this video is the longer intro.


All these songs and artists have the Eric Ruelle stamp of approval.

I'm picking up an accent. I don't know where from or why...

My greatest excitement of the day came in the form of Bacci's Pizza...

The most energy I exerted was lugging my dirty laundry down and back from the basement...

You know things are bad when I get a call from my sister and I see a problem all the way through until its finished, rather than getting frustrated and giving up...

I even found myself on Chatroulette...that's pretty much when my pulse started thinning.

So, I've learned my lesson. Though this whole, the being bored thing, isn't all bad. I'm catching up on all the boring time I failed to have this year so far and as much as it pains me to say it I am ready to start school again and have my life filled with meetings, classes, homework, dates, and work because that's what I've become accustomed to.

This weekend shouldn't be all bad. Friday I'm going to a movie with people and I'm also volunteering with the Neo's. Saturday is relatively open but I'm probably seeing a comedy show at 7:30 and Sunday hasn't really been planned either but I'm hoping to see it fill up (I know some of the food places open on campus :D).

I sent a "Wish Email" tonight, about fifteen minutes ago. It's like emailing Oprah and hoping to hear back from her...it's just one of those things where if there was anything you could do, you would do it, and emailing a person that could make a difference isn't so out of the ordinary.

I've done it before. I emailed Scot Rasmussen, one of the founders of ESPN and interviewed him for my research paper. I sent a letter to Bill Clinton when he was in office and just like any other one of these you don't expect to hear back, but there it was about six weeks later, a first class envelope with my name on it and a letter signed by Bill Clinton. Whether he wrote it or even signed it doesn't matter, the fact was I got something back.

Though, it hasn't worked out all the time. I will admit to emailing Oprah twice, for two different things. I emailed Adam Sandler when I was in high school and pretty much gave him the synopsis of Funny People, without the cancer part. I'm not saying I deserve credit or anything for the movie but I did send him an email expressing a film idea about a successful comic who brings in a struggling one and gives him the tools he needs to be successful, and we all know that was the better part of the movie anyway. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear back. I emailed David Letterman. I even sunk so low to send Joy Behar from The View an email, I'm not proud of it. I wanted to be a comedian dammit!

A few months ago I sent a letter to Senator Tom Coburn who was delaying a bill that would help rescue the children soldiers of Uganda because it was something I cared about.

Why do I send these emails/letters to random people hoping they can provide something for me that I or others cannot? I guess I have hope. I've always had hope that a person would see my email, read it, and consider helping a person like me out. Honestly, I don't know how common it is either to email a celebrity or a ticketing agency for tickets to a show, it just doesn't sound like a familiar concept I've chatted with my friends about. I'm interested to see if any other people have done something like this, and what the reasoning was behind it. You are welcome to post stories below and comment on this :D

My mom said on the phone today that I shouldn't be afraid to spend my money; so I did. Maybe she only meant in terms of feeding myself but when she makes a notion like that I'm going to take it wholeheartedly. I bought The Mask on BluRay, a movie I needed to have within my collection.

Creedence Clearwater Revival is an amazing band. So many classics.

I went downtown today and did some people watching. It was nice. I took the back roads instead of going straight down Michigan Ave. I love those moments when it makes a person say "You don't see that very often;" I had a few instances like that today.

Got to eat at Five Guys for lunch. Delicious. And Filling.

Hate the hiccups.

Well now I'm just biding time until something happens. I'll go workout later and perhaps get some good news.

Now that the Health-care Bill has passed everyone suddenly seems so concerned about it. Like, before the bill was passed people thought it was a joke and it would never happen... now I can't log onto Facebook without seeing an anti-Obama/Congress/Health-care status update. I don't get it. If people were this upset before the bill was passed it wouldn't have because the people doing the vote would have taken notice.

I'm sick of people who all of a sudden take a stand for something after the fact but still not as much as those who have an opinion about something and can't tell you what their reasoning is behind it; it doesn't make sense to me why you would even bother having an opinion if you can't do the research for your argument.

I don't know...politics and religion...they're all the same to me. Never in this country has there truly been "Separation of the Church and State." Why do you think gay marriage hasn't been taken care of yet or any of the more controversial topics? These should have been a done deal by now but our representatives are too concerned with not pushing the envelope and taking that initiative because their livelihood is all about getting re-elected. I've been let down by both religion and the government.

I don't like talking about these because I get all riled up but I could bite my tongue no longer...I probably could go on for a while but I'm just going to leave it be. I'm trying to be as moderate as I can be in these blogs too because I don't want to cause conflict; it's just not worth it.

I apologize,... I'm tired of all of this bickering and fighting about who is right, because in reality nobody's 100% correct, and I wish it would just stop so we could just MOVE ON.

Granville: I sit on a bench and wait for the train with my headphones in, but not listening to any music, just soaking everything in. It was cold but the sun makes it comfortable. The train takes a while to get there but I enjoyed the moments. Sing "A Long December" by Counting Crows in my head. Start scribbling a text.

Thorndale: Send the text. Guy with Minnesota Twins baseball hat walks on the train. We make eye contact one or two times the rest of the ride; I'm still bitter about last season, dude.

Bryn Mawr: Get a text back. Smile. Stare out the window. Search for a song through shuffle that fits my mood. Settle on "Money Worries" by Bedouin Soundclash. Very relaxing.

Berwyn: Jewel Osco and the Neo's lay in the distance. Think about Friday night's adventure. Long exhale.

Argyle: Kid Cudi "My World." I like following the outline of the roofs and imagining myself run across them, leaping from roof to roof. Keeps my brain active.

Lawrence: Look out at the Border's that I wasted an hour in earlier. The Green Mill I've always wanted to perform in. The Riveria where John Butler Trio will perform and I won't be able to see them.

Wilson: The breeze from the doors opening and closing finally start to get to me and my ankles start to get cold. I wish that either Wilson was Truman's Vice President or the other way around so there could be a greater connection with the Wilson El Stop and the Harry S. Truman College that is right there but no dice.

Sheridan: Girl walks on the train who seems familiar but isn't the person I was thinking it was. Oh well, it took me a while to remember she left the state for Spring Break; took a lot longer than it should have to figure that out. "Hate Me" by Blue October.

Addison: Bill Hicks comes up and I've heard his comedy before but I haven't really given it a chance so I listen to what he's saying. Don't pay attention to what's going on in Addison. Lost in my own thoughts.

Belmont: Decide I will switch from shuffle to one of Bill Hicks albums. See a Potbelly's ad. Chuckle to myself. Pass Savor the Flavor, also reminds me of the Neo's.

Fullerton: That cold air hits and I pick up the pace. The yellow light comes up at Sheffield but I plow through it anyway. I start wishing more people were on campus so this place wouldn't look like such a ghost town. Think of cutting through the library but figure its closed like everything else is; I just walk around it like I always do. Cross the quad, swipe my card, unlock my door, fall on my bed, check my phone, fall asleep.

Two blogs in one day. What ridiculousness is this? First I don't blog at all now I pop up with two ingenious ideas and actually follow through with them. If you haven't read the first one of the day, I would strongly recommend doing so.

I'm still not convinced that I like this blogging thing. It's like my responsibility to maintain it and keep giving it new material. I don't know how many people read this, even when I do post it on Facebook. It's pretty egotistical; there's positives and negatives to that. I know I could focus my attention elsewhere and comment on the social injustices of the day and it would be pretty entertaining to read but this blog is like my talk back box. Everything I want to tell it, it will listen, and I may not get a proper response from each post but every so often you get a comment here and there and it brightens my day, just a tad. More importantly, it's all about me, and I like that for good reason; there's no added frills, what you see is what you get. I have family all over the globe who can sit and read this at their convenience and feel slightly connected to my life. I have friends that live a few blocks away that can sit and read this when I'm too busy to find time to hang out and stay up to date with what's going on.

I am going to make another blog. At least one more. One to start cataloging every single memory I have to date. My grandpa and my dad have amazing stories to tell. While I don't think my life is that amazing compared to theirs, how awesome would it be if my future generations found a blog posted by their great-great-great grandpa talking about how he was raised and what he went through.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS PEOPLE??? Everything you're doing now, everything, is being recorded and stored in the memory bank. I ask of you to never delete anything you've started online because you are creating a digital footprint. I don't know my ancestors at all. I don't really know how why they came to America or what made them choose the places they did. We have the technology know to pass on our legacy. We are creating legacies right now.

You know, that other blog I said I might create; maybe it will be about social injustices and how we could make the world a better place and all the rest of that jazz. I don't know how much change can be elicited from an unknown blogger such as myself but you never know. One blogger-out to change the world one post at a time (new play idea?).

Three blogs with three very different purposes.

I wish I could talk to people for a living.

I'm only an hour and a half into the new day and it has already begun to rear its ugly head. I hate putting the doom-stick on a day that's just begun but after a day where I finally finish with my finals things have seem to slowly cross that threshold like a roller-coaster peak that only needs that last lurch forward before sending the car hurtling towards the ground faster than it takes Tiger Woods to develop a sex addiction.

So this bad day started when I put my UPass into the CTA thing and I had forgotten that Friday was the last day before it expired. So while I was able to get down to the Neo-Futurists to volunteer, I couldn't get home without purchasing a train pass. My luck continued when I had no utensil to write with on the way home, when normally I carry two pens on me at all times. It's terrible when you have a driving force to write something but it's only at the most inconvenient times.

I am tired. I know when I am tired I do my best reflexive thinking. I will think and write. You will read...

I think too much sometimes...like now

I am now going to write a list of things that I want to thank someone for. I'm not religious so it would be hypocritical to thank God, so for my list I'll say...

Thanks to whatever made...
the 24-hour Red Line
Billy Joel and Air Supply, for making music that speaks directly to my heart,
Facebook/text messaging
Sleep
Beautiful weather
Pepsi
the Neo-Futurists
IRHA
Blogger
Poetry/Any type of writing
and Ritz Bits with cheese
...possible.
The list goes on in my subconscious.

My contacts are dry as I stare intently at what I've written. Kinks Timeout:


I'm impulsive. Sometimes. I wish I was more impulsive. Things would get done that normally take me forever to accomplish.

I'm convinced I listen to too much advice given to me by other people. I do ask for it, but I shouldn't follow it all the time, I feel like I'm never allowed to express myself properly.

There's so much I want to say...It will all be spilled soon; I don't like not knowing...partly a reason why I don't like Christmas.

If you're reading this, like I know some of you are...thanks.

Another video for good measure:

I never thought I'd find a love that's true.
I never thought I'd make it to eighty,
Fully out of ways to say "I love you."
My metaphors are old and frail like me;
Cute ways I used to make you smile,
Are as exhausted as my simile's.
Without more ways to keep you beguiled,
I hope you keep in mind I'm still in love,
Forever and after was my promise.
You're still beautiful like when you were young;
I'm still longing to kiss those faded lips.
She has glaucoma and I have cancer
Our hospital beds lie next to each other

*I performed this poem during "S(H)e Loves Me/S(H)e Loves Me Not." It's not a perfect sonnet but it works...more parts of the play will be posted soon!

BONUS HAIKU:
What makes a haiku?
Just seventeen syllables?
It is a cop out.
What about structure?
Why can you go on with the
Same thought but new line?
What is to stop it?
Oh haiku, you confuse me.
But you make time pass.
In History class.

I woke up at 8 to practice a performance that I have at 11:50 and it's only 10. While I'm not entirely confident with it yet I believe 3 straight hours of rehearsing a monologue isn't healthy, especially in one sitting, so I'm taking a break to write a little bit...

Okay that was fun, back to the grind....

(but really, I spent a good fifteen minutes writing, deleting, writing, deleting, etc...because there's only one thing I've been thinking about lately, aside from my homework, which in itself is an entire blog post, the size of which would amount to the post below this one; seriously though, seven essays!? What are you thinking professors?)

What can you say about something like IRHA? It will take awhile, spread through numerous posts that will happen in the future. I will keep everyone posted but I'm so behind homework it's ridiculous, so I'm going to go do that now.

Thanks!

The wait is over...I have a home for next year and it will be in a leadership role of some kind, whether it be the RA or the FA position; I'm just waiting on the FA letter that comes out on Friday- but I was placed in UAC for next year as an RA.

To all those that got it along with me: congrats and I'm excited to be working alongside you and even the alternates there's so many alternates who get placed anyway so don't be discouraged!

To many of those that didn't get accepted know that they didn't reject you, the person, there's just so many people applying for the RA job and many of them just as qualified as the next. I didn't get it my first try, but it made me realize how bad I wanted it and I learned from that experience and matured to be where I am. That and I worked my ass off. I went to the Writing Center for the essays and went into the Career Center THREE times in Winter Quarter alone to prepare for my interview and work on my resume (huge thanks to Ed Childs, he's awesome at what he does, and he was the one who actually recommended me to start a blog)

Now where do I go from here? Metaphorically, before I was searching around in a dark jungle and now that I've found my path it's still so dark that I can't see far but I do see a light in the distance: Cairo, backpacking around Europe, the RA job, this life I lead is pretty special but it's isn't without my fair share of lows that make the highs higher.

I came into this year thinking that anything was possible. My goal was to become as busy as possible and still maintain all my grades; I now know what that feels like with all my extra-curricular activities and work to still maintain an above 3.5 GPA. As most of my friends know I have had to cut down severely on hangout time and I've only seen my friends once or twice this quarter, I went to my first party of the quarter on Saturday after I had been volunteering at the Neo's, so I didn't get there until 1:30 when people started leaving anyway.

Even though I got down on myself there was always hope and that's what I hope people take from this blog. Yeah, I failed my first time but I improved and re-tooled with new experiences and a brand new perspective on things. Have hope. Believe in yourself. Try new things and push your limits! Do the things you need to do to get better, not what you think other people want to see you do.

I don't know, I want to see everyone who wanted the job to get it and I feel bad for those who got really hurt by the decision because I was in the same place last year.

But I tell ya, seeing a dream come true is the sweetest thing ever and I'm still in disbelief that this is actually happening to me...

Gravity had Molly's feet firmly planted on the ground but if it wasn't for that her head would be in the clouds singing "Hey Jude," or any other tune that could elicit that emotional spark she needed. She was searching her heart for the words to write out something explaining that feeling of being left out she was having.

Was the music just soothing or was it listened to in order to block out the laughter heard just a few doors down from Molly? Only she would know for sure, bobbing her head to the beats beating in her headphones. Being only a Freshman the dorms, other beauties, adorned in fabulous jewelry that any ADD male adolescent would be attracted to, hiked the hall like it was their own catwalk past her door; just the thing Molly wanted a reminding of, a Friday night on the inside. Staying in became the norm and her computer became her best friend, which connected her to thousands of other people just like her, looking for a good time.

Sleeping wasn't high on Molly's priority list but she would make it a point to hit the sheets soon, growing tired, as her body was being consumed in rhythmic music, which made her move in a way she would have been embarrassed to show off to anyone else but her compadre Mr. iMac.

Being busy and the inevitable loneliness that came from having a tight schedule plagued Molly. She was always going, going, until she would eventually come home to her sanctuary. There, her thoughts awaited her. Everything she tried to ignore that day would creep up her spine and into her ear where they would infect every inch of Molly's conscience. The guy she couldn't say "Hi" to. The test she received a D on. That time when she slid on the cafeteria tile that made her look uncoordinated. There in the dorm would be where her own thoughts haunted her.

She was a little self-loathing, too much of a thinker, but not necessarily anti-social. It was just now that it bothered her. Molly was home, but not home; it never really felt like home. There were never the same type of friends that would come over on summer days eager for some sort of something to do, it was different how people approached her here, like it wasn't just her that was uncomfortable in their own skin. Her inner-pessimist quipped, "Is this what it's like to be grown up? If so, it's not worth it."

Falling into bed and shutting her eyes Molly dreamed of a better tomorrow, another day to get bogged down with work, work, and no play. With that, she started humming those lyrics that made her feel okay, and the laughter in the background faded away to, "Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song, and make it better."

Today's lesson was fairly simple: be yourself. (yeah, you)

You don't need to act like anyone else to impress someone and you definitely don't have to censor yourself for the thing you may find the most embarrassing about yourself; it may even be the most valued quality to another person. (Blessid Union of Souls- Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me))
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU5c7zhOmY0

Who cares about your past? Live in the moment, things may not turn out the way you wanted- now or at any point in the future. (I had a lot of fun, regardless of if we find ourselves hanging out again)

A lot of stuff you can't control outside your own parameters, so why dwell on it? Try not to let things get to you, enjoy where you are and what you are doing. (I paid because I wanted to; it wasn't because I expected something in return)

Be honest; don't hide behind a facade that you weave as you go, you will only get burned as things come out. (I hope you see how un-"normal" I am, even though I claim to be; I pride myself on not being the stereotype of a guy/asshole)

Respect yourself, you're the only one you have to live with everyday of your life. (I gave you my number because I didn't want you to feel pressured into going, so often girls say yes because they don't want to say no)

There's still time to say "no." (I won't be offended, I'm not everyone's type)

Be yourself. (Everything happens for a reason)

And that's (the word).

BILLY JOEL- YOU MAY BE RIGHT excerpt
I told you dirty jokes until you smiled
You were lonely for a man
I said take me as I am
'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while
Now think of all the years you tried to
Find someone to satisfy you
I might be as crazy as you say
If I'm crazy then it's true
That it's all because of you
And you wouldn't want me any other way"

In what ways does life give you second chances? More importantly, what do you do with the second chances when they circle themseves around?

I'm the classic case of doing something the same way each time, which qualifies me as downright stupid, as a testament to Mr. Dwyer's quote cupboard that I saw every day for four years straight in high school. What's it going to take, you know, for me to get out of my own head, say I'm going to do something, and then do it?

I'm so mad at myself; the bad part is that I make myself feel that way. Second chances don't come around often and it's important to take advantage of them when they come up, but even as I write those words, I feel hypocritical because it doesn't translate onto the social scene.

I should have just gotten up from my chair, walked over to where you were sitting, and just asked you on a date. I should have done it. I should have, would have, could have, but I didn't. Now, I'm sitting on a computer in the PC lab typing this with a piece of paper in my jacket pocket with my phone number written on it because I couldn't stick my neck out long enough to show that I wasn't a coward. When did I start being this way?

In elementary school, I was very social, I had a load of friends and I was vocal and could express myself. In middle school I became complacent, why? Was it me looking in the mirror and thinking I wasn't good enough? Was it everyone else around me who seemed to be doing so well while, at the same time, on the inside I was falling behind? I always thought that I was more mature than most of the kids in middle school but now I just feel way too immature for college, not in a partying or fart-joke kind of way, maybe like an immaturity in knowing my own abilities?

Does life grant third chances (which doesn't even sound right)? Will/Can I learn my lesson? Stay tuned for more heart stopping, brain teasing, heart aching action on Eric Ruelle's blog!

On a side note...I have no idea what I'm doing this summer...backpacking around Europe has become the new number one choice.

If you've encountered me in the past few weeks you may be wondering, Eric, why the long face?

I will tell you.

I am in a show right now that sucks every emotion out of me. I play roughly five different people that use every type of emotion I can possibly muster to perform and express.

When I am done with the show, I have nothing left in the tank; I have no emotions left to give.

I just don't care about anything and I couldn't care if I wanted to.

I am surprised I can still recoup enough to perform the next day at a quality level. I guess I can't say that, tomorrow will be the first day we've done the show in front of people for two days straight, so, who knows what kind of performance I'll offer up tomorrow.

I am not a huge extrovert so it's hard for me to get myself to express that much in such a short time. See the show and you'll know what I'm talking about, about the level of emotion I go through.

You ask me, why the long face?

I have been in a very apologetic mood lately, and most of me wants to say "I'm sorry," but I'm not going to do that this time.

To those that mistake my emotionless demeanor as an insult, which is a few of you so far, I can't help that. It is what it is. Maybe later I'll care, but for now, you're not speaking to Eric, but a stoic body that can't evoke emotion. Hope you can understand. See you Sunday when the play's over.

I encountered these people all on the way to the cafeteria to get my lunch before going to work.

To the girl in front of me on the escalator with the white coat and brown curly hair. Move your ass to one side so I can walk past you, I can't tell you how impatient I get when I'm trying to get somewhere faster and my progress is stopped dead when you just stand there in the middle of the escalator.

To the guy on the elevator with the orange Caesar haircut...you are not cool. I do not know you but you rub me the wrong way. Maybe it was the way you talked or the way you sprawled yourself out in the elevator with me in the back right corner that revealed your personality.

To the girl in the cafeteria with the tight pants and wavy blond hair who got soup...thank you. I hope you get told regularly about how beautiful you look.

I'm always looking. I'm always thinking. Concentrating. Searching.

On the note about tight pants girl, it reminds me of the new movie coming out called "She's Out of My League." I hate that I'm going to end up seeing that movie. I don't want to believe in a story that has an average Joe falling on the chance of meeting a model that actually chases him. It just doesn't happen...at least to me.

UPDATE:
To the girl sitting on the Southbound red line train, close your mouth when you eat. You disgust me.

UPDATE UPDATE:
To the girl who sat next to me on the way back from work  with electric blue eyes, I almost wish we had sat across from each other so I could have stared into them longer. I hope you liked my music selection, I tipped my iPod so you could see what I was listening to. I know we passed Zappa, Sinatra, Zeppelin, and Motion City just so I could find the right song that could get my message across, "This Magic Moment," by Jay and the Americans. Love it.

To the girl who I mouthed "fucking bitch" to in the Student Center, it wasn't you I was saying it to, it was the ice machine that didn't have any ice (and as you all know I love my ice); you just unfortunately turned to look at me at the same time I had turned away from the ice machine, and we made just enough eye contact for me to get that entire phrase out. I apologize.

It's amazing what you encounter on a regular basis.

My horoscope didn't spur any ideas to write about. I have an hour before I officially need to start waking up. Maybe I should stop setting my alarm for 8:00 everyday when I don't have a class until 11:50 Mon-Thurs, I only did that to keep up with the massive amount of work that was being shoveled at me. Now, everything's sort of leveled off. I still have my assignments, but I have enough time during the normal day to get everything done it seems.

Sleep is essential to my life, to all lives, but mine especially. I cherish each moment my head is against the pillow because I'm safe, comfortable, and relaxed within the sheets' embrace.

I need more sleep and I need to be writing more on this blog than I have been.

(S)He Loves Me/(S)He Loves Me Not
Friday and Saturday @ 7:30
DePaul's CDM Theater LL102
14East Jackson, enter the building on State St and walk down the steps
Reserve your tickets with me if you haven't done so
It's an amazing cast written show.

It seems that the more time I have to myself the less time I spend blogging. This weekend has been the least busy of the quarter and I'm pretty happy about that. I finally got to spend time with my friends that I haven't seen since I left for Winter Break.

Alas, everything that has a beginning must have an end. After I'm done here I think the biggest week of my entire academic year begins. So much to do; it's ridiculous.

My parents are coming to my play next weekend. I'm excited for them to see what I've been working on. It's Friday and Saturday @ 7:30 at the DePaul CDM building downtown. IT'S FREE

Ahh, I guess it's time I begin this crazy week of mine. Do I really have to?