Another poem from my Intermediate Poetry Writing class...it's a blank verse poem

Corner of Normal and Stewart (60621)
Fear of death is natural at nineteen,
we can't grasp what life offers luckier
patrons of this once in a lifetime fest.
So when attacked by five muggers who beat,
break, and steal- better to be safe than dead.

Never saw it coming, thought I was safe,
underneath this safety net cast by my
"dream" job on the South Side of Chicago;
I only liked it for the money though.
I told myself I'd quit if I got hurt.

Physically, when I hit the concrete,
with my face, held down by a sole who could
barely begin to empathize with the
cowering being underneath if it;
bruises, cuts, and sore skin formed on my head.

Emotionally, my trust dwindled. Now,
I can't walk down the street without thinking
that man is going to do the same. Swipe arms,
time to run, get met with reinforcements,
not a second to think, moments to act.

Shock is hard to absorb so keep your wits
sharper than the knife they may pull and don't
carry all you love in one case, it's much
easier to lose in one incident.
Fear itself is good to avoid getting killed.

This is Update #3 from the mugging incident...to be caught up, you can refer to a few posts down called "MUGGED"

I may not look as tough as I am on the outside as I am on the inside. With all of this shit being shoveled on me at once I have been able to look at it and sense that this is what it is, and I just have to face up to that.

I had a job with Imagine Englewood if for nine months before anything terrible happened to me. Sure, there were times when I was frightened by the antics of a person around me but nothing ever came out of it. The funny thing, or incredibly sad thing, is that I told myself that I'd only quit if I got physically assaulted because I can deal with the mind blocks people try and impose on me. As much as I tried to put it out of my mind I faced the same danger every single time I went down there, and if you've read my other blog posts you have to be aware that people told me I was "brave" for what I was doing, though I never really felt that way.

My point is, is that it could have happened any day, why yesterday? I'll never know, but thankfully it happened this close to the end of the year so I had the opportunity to work with the organization as long as I did. For as much as I hated my job, which I did a lot, it got me to go places I never would have dreamed about going and I got to see for myself what the South Side of Chicago is like, from the good side to the very rotten side and I've experienced a lot of suffering in the area aside from my own.

Today I had to go down to Union Station to pick up my train tickets home because I couldn't purchase them online and I really did not want to go alone, even with that many people around. The thing people don't realize is that muggings can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. If they think they can get away with it they will try to go through with it. I am happy that I am getting away from Chicago to restart my systems and come back with the same bright view of Chicago that I did before the incident. Remember though please, everything happens so fast, you don't have much time to react and within that small fraction of time you have to decide many different things; it's often best to do what I did and comply by getting on the ground and letting them take what they want to take.

I feel bad though, I'm glad again that I'm going home because while I was on the train I thought I saw one of the attackers, whether it was or not is irrelevant, because I don't want to think about it; I don't want to feel threatened anymore. My trip home will be nice to be in a comfortable environment again, I'm really hoping this is exactly what I need.

To reiterate my closing statements of last blog though, thank you to all those that have read, responded, or sent any kind of prayer my way; I will be alright...I will be alright...I will be alright, you guys have made much of the difference as going home will be the cherry on top. My parents always told me things happen for a reason, and whether or not I want to believe that it's applicable in this case, I have come to realize so many things about people in general and to the number of people who have and continue to make an impact on my life; thank you so much everyone.

If you don't know already what's happened please refer to the post below this one entitled "MUGGED." There you can be caught up on the most recent turn of events in my life.

Now for this post...

Try sleeping after you've been mugged earlier that day,...this is the challenge I am facing right now. Instead, I am downstairs in the basement of my residence hall writing this.

I gave it a go...I really did, trying to sleep that is. You can't help but replay the incident over and over in your head, working out all the scenarios possible and what exactly they're doing with all your stuff. What could I have done differently to avoid it, if anything? Then again, your mind is telling you there's probably nothing that could have prevented it. When five people go after you like they did today I don't think much could have been different.

In the darkness trying to sleep I could feel my jaw throbbing, my head pounding, my body aching, and the scratches and bruises from falling on the concrete rub against my constricting sheets.

I'll go back up there momentarily. I am shivering while typing this. I don't know if its because I'm cold or something else...

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for filling my Facebook wall up with well wishes; I have been blessed with some of the greatest people alongside of me, I don't know where I would be without you all, or who I would be for that matter. I genuinely owe each of you more than a comment back on a wall and know that I will help any of you with anything you need help with. I've decided to write each of you a personalized thank you card on the train ride home to fill the time, 8 hours of thank you card writing back and forth should be sufficient.

Again, really people, thank you thank you thank you. Expect those cards soon

This is the email I sent to my boss after the incident in its entirety. There's more underneath it too.

Ms Hill:
I wanted to let you know about the events that transpired today on my way to work, I feel that I owe you that, knowing I was supposed to work from 3:00-9:00pm tonight. I'm sure by now you are already somewhat aware of what happened but I wanted to clarify exactly what happened.

Like every Wednesday on my way to work I got off the red line and proceeded to walk over to True Vine. I came earlier than usual, hoping to make it to the office by 2:30 because my enrollment for classes was set to take place at that time and I didn't want to miss the opportunity for a class that I wanted. At 2:25 I had checked my phone and I was crossing the playground over to Normal (I think the street name is). I turned onto the street and opened my laptop as I walked in order to make sure I had it ready for the 2:30 enrollment assignment.

Behind me, I heard footsteps and I turned around to look who it was. An African American male about 5'10 with a gray shirt tried to run past me and swipe the computer from my hands. I turned my body away from the attacker and looked at him and asked him what he was trying to do. He ordered me to hand over my laptop and I refused so I turned around and started to run back towards the playground that I passed through. Unfortunately, three men were behind me stopping my escape. I stood frozen as the original mugger pushed me into the other three and they demanded I hand my laptop over, again I refused. I was then punched across the face by another African American male about 5'5-5'6 with a white polo. The total number of people around me was five.

I fell to the ground not hoping to instigate more violence and someone stepped on my head to stop me from getting up. They swiped my pants pockets and stole my laptop, iPod, cell phone, external hard drive and ran off into the alley. Someone on the Robeson High School baseball field saw the attack and called the cops. There, I waited as the cops came to take the profiles of the people I saw. The people around me waited until the police came and we went into the school and looked at the security tapes to see if it caught what happened, I just was out of view of the camera it turns out.

I don't know what time it was when the police brought me to True Vine to talk to you, but you weren't there. In my state I was emotional and aggravated so I apologize for the way I came off to those there. I left with the police and they gave me a ride home to Fullerton.

I am sitting on a friends computer now having completed putting the pictures on the websites slide show. I feel I have completed the last objective you gave me. Today, my worst fears about Englewood were realized and I am truly sorry that it happened, I would have gladly stayed on the position. Talking to my family and confronting my own personal conflicts, I regret to inform you that today will be the last day I come to True Vine to be an intern with the organization. My talks with you a few weeks ago, should be a testament to the experience that I had working at 'Imagine Englewood if.' If you still need me to write up something about my experience, omitting the most recent occurrence, I will do so.

I am going to be emailing my supervisor after I finish with this email and will be letting her know what happened. Please understand my side and I wish you all the best in continuing the efforts within the Englewood community, I know how much they need it.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about the websites or anything feel free to email me. Know though, I don't have a laptop at the moment and am not able to read my email as often.

Take care,
Eric David Ruelle


So the little bit of extra stuff I had to write was about the police giving me a ride home. Not only did South Siders reinforce typical stereotypes but the Chicago police as well continued the trend.

The police took a while to show up to the place where I was attacked and it was only one car with three people in it. They took down the information of the people and said they would go looking for them and that another car was on their way. We saw the other police car drive right by us and again it took a while for them to find where I was, even though I gave them exact intersection names.

So the two police officers that I spent the most time with were, to me, Sergei Federov (the NHL player) and Erik Estrada (from CHiPs). They were nice. They took me anywhere I needed to go. It wasn't fun for me though because I was riding in the back of the police patrol car, which isn't comfortable and alienating.

The thing about these two were was that they didn't care what they say or did in front of me, obviously. They offered to take me back to DePaul, which I didn't really care about, I mean, they stole pretty much everything I had. Instead of going the highway, they took me down Halsted. Are you kidding me po-po? Referred to one of the officers as "the scenic route." They seemed less concerned about getting me back to DePaul than wasting time getting me there.

On the way we talked about sports, avi.

They also talked about getting "shit-faced" and "plastered" on the weekends...apparently Sergei enjoys the spirits.

The experience of riding in the cop car can't be beat I must say, especially when you've done nothing wrong...it's funny to see how stop lights become stop signs and what they say about the other drivers on the road.

I got out of the vehicle at the corner of Racine and Fullerton. Fortunately, there was someone right next to me from my residence hall,...he looked at me, paused, and said "Sup?" As nonchalantly as I could I said "Sup?" back and walked down Fullerton towards University Hall. I felt pretty badass by doing it.

In all,...I had a pretty interesting day...I got mugged, quit my job, bought tickets to go home, emailed my professors about the incident, and all my important information is gone. Where do I go from here? I have no idea.

As to my physical condition, I'm sore, my head hurts and I have a few cuts and bruises.