Writing another play.
Look for it to be performed at the end of May.
Midterms are here.
Screenwriting MidTerm- Half Done.
Poetry MidTerm- Done.
Intro to Mass Comm MidTerm- Thursday.
Multimedia & the World Wide Web- Next Week.
For this week I still have a poem to write.
I'm looking forward to the rest of the quarter.
I have no idea what the next five weeks will look like.
This quarter has been a relief, it hasn't been terribly difficult.
Planning for courses next quarter sucks.

I burn bridges.
Habitually.

I didn't want to dirty another page in my notebook with pen so I forged ahead and wrote a blog instead.

I caught my last thought before I went to sleep and tried to let it go.

Then, I awoke this morning and there it was again, as if haunting me for an unforeseeable reason. So I shut my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, to escape, which happened pretty successfully; however, I remember during my slumber I shrieked, but I couldn't control it, I was having a nightmare of sorts; I can just vaguely pick out pieces that were familiar.

Of course, the thought was about "you," and no I'm not talking about you, "you" is more of an abstraction, unless the "you" I'm referring to is indeed reading this, then indeed the "you" really is you; but I would have no way of knowing if "you" will ever read this and will truly understand that it's about you, because honestly how many you's are there in this world? Without naming names.

"You" inspire me to write shitty poetry because there aren't enough moments to pull from, just flashes of scenes from a poorly written movie that nobody wants to see, all sewn together to create a mosaic of film strips lined alongside each other that with a flick of a switch can spark, burn to a crisp, and enable me to forget. I can't help but look to it for creative inspiration while it lasts.

Tonight, I'll go to bed again knowing what awaits, the thought. I'll try to shut off that part of my brain that conjures up demons so I may sleep in peace, but I know I can't; because all "you" have been to me is a dream, once vivid, slowly decaying, waiting for that fateful spark.

another poem from my Intermediate Poetry Writing class...

In my constant effort to answer the question: who am I? I have thought long and hard about aspects in my life that seem complicated and obscure; I've really tried to get to the center of just what makes me different than everyone else, how it is that my thoughts translate into actions, and so on and so forth. For the readers, maybe you've already discovered yourselves or are still in the process... I am about twenty years into my research and I can be the most confusing and dynamic thing to try and get a firm grasp on, I can only imagine other people's difficulties in trying to figure me out.

Something that has perplexed me for too long is how insecurities play into decision making and action taking. They lie in the back of your mind and can pop out at only the worst possible places. It's amazing too how insecurities are more like a flash instantly and they come and go so fast you may not know exactly what it is that you're insecure about but it's just weighing you down, not allowing you to do something you may otherwise want to do. And maybe I'm blabbering on about this and it seems like a 'woe is me' concept, but it's not, and if you are thinking that stop reading; I'm only doing this to assess the situation going on in my head.

1.
Talking about feelings for me is hard. It takes a ballpoint pen and a blank piece of paper for me to get my words just right. Possibly because I don't want to take ownership over the words I speak, like I'd be putting myself on that preverbal plank that extends over Rejection Ocean, and I'm scared of closing my eyes and taking that step out into the unknown, for fear of falling and failing; I'm at least not afraid to admit that. I mean, I don't reject myself because I'm the only one who is forced to live with me 24/7. I'm my own best friend.

Honestly, that's all I got to say right now on the subject of insecurities. I have them. They're bothersome. It doesn't make me weak for admitting that, it just shows I'm strong enough to face them. There may be only one I go over in this blog (who knows I may write more in the future about them) but it's not easy to admit to them in a public arena like this.



PS- Why can't people talk more openly about insecurities? Are they insecure about them?

You know it's something when you get off a bus to do community service and the person who leads you towards where the site is calls you "brave" for walking and taking public transit to the area; the area in question is 69th Street and Ashland.

Today was the Clean & Green Citywide clean-up day all across Chicago and I have an internship with 'Imagine Englewood if...' a non-profit organization on the South Side of Chicago that helps the youth of that area by providing resources, mentors, a safe place to go after school, and lead poisoning evaluations; the Englewood area has the highest concentration of lead poisoning in the nation. For my paid internship I go down there and help by doing whatever the boss needs me to do. Often, I make databases, type up rosters, work on the websites, and I've even taught a class early in the year on Radio Broadcasting.

On Wednesday my boss asked what I was doing Saturday (today). I moaned a "Nothing, why?" The subject was brought up about the Clean-Up and I glumly said I would.Waking up early on a Saturday wasn't what I had been hoping for though.

My alarm was set for 7:50am...at about 3:45am the same morning, giving me about 4 hours to sleep. I actually woke up around 7:34 and decided to turn off my alarm before I got up completely. The next thing I remember it's 8:30 and then I fell asleep again and woke up at 9:06. Each minute I looked at the clock I would keep thinking, one more minute. I finally got up at 9:15 and put on some old pants and my green RHC shirt.

From there it was the normal travel, except I took the red line down to 63rd and took the 63rd bus to Ashland, where I took that bus back North to 60th Street. I met a few people and cleaned up. Got a call from my boss at 11 and said I was in the wrong spot, she picked me up and took me to 68th where I helped out another group for about 15min before they gave up. I still had some business at the other location so I ran from 69th to 60th Street which on Google maps amounts to 1.1 miles. So I got my workout in at least. On my run I had some catcalls, it was unnerving. It's happened a lot when I've went to work. Since I had never been around Ashland that far Southwest I really had to be aware; I am what the one guy called me I guess, "brave."

One awesome thing though is that I got to ride the green line back to Roosevelt. The green line is very scenic and I recommend everyone at least go down and back; it's not like you have to leave the platform at Ashland.

So, anyways...that was experience today. I did some cleaning and I got paid for it. But I'm really tired now.

Post Note:
I was listening to my iPod on my way to the site and I was waiting for the 63rd bus. This homeless guy saw me and gave me a list of his favorite music. So random. But kinda cool too. They are:
The Best of Yaz
BeeGee's- Number Ones
D Train- Looking For, "Keep on"
Keyshia Cole- Rec, Sad and Lonely

o, yeah...I think this is going to be a returning feature here on my blog. I mentioned before that I love finding new music to listen to and it often comes from leaving my radio or television on long enough I can find something. Now, I'm not saying this is completely new music, it's just new to me, and I enjoy it.

The first song is by Cypress Hill:
What the hell? Cypress Hill? Insane in the Membrane? Tequila Sunrise? Whhaaaa? This blew my mind. The collaboration between Cypress Hill, Marc Anthony, and Pitbull is such an odd compilation but it works! Astounding! Plus, I love the Crosby, Stills & Nash sample from 'Judy Blue Eyes.' I couldn't find the music video that would allow me to embed, but here is the music...I recommend actually watching the music video too. It's pretty cool.


Flobots:
"I can ride my bike with no handlebars," evolves with their newest album. I enjoy their style and having Rise Against front man Tim MicIlrath has some nice screaming parts too. After hearing this song I'm going to be following Rise Against and Flobots more closely. They're both awesome. "White Flag Warrior"


Vampire Weekend:
I had never actually listened to Vampire Weekend until I saw them on MTVU. It's hard to judge them solely based on one song that I've heard, and really this is the only one, but they maintain a loyal fanbase who I hear speak fondly of their music. I was surprised when I realized how many people listened to them, but I'm beginning to understand why. PS The cameos by Jake Gyllenhaal and RZA are amazing. Wasn't expecting that.


B.o.B:
I think in my last music blog I gave a video of this guy and he's just coming out now but he's pretty good. Nothing to jump and shout about but he has quality material. This is another example. The line "Nu-nu-nuh-nothin on you" gets stuck and loops in my head.


Chiddy Bang:
I solely like this song because of MGMT's "Kids." This song takes what "Kids" did and flips it on its head creating something new and entertaining. I haven't listened to any more of Chiddy Bang, so it is what it is. Check out fratmusic.com for more songs like this. Props for Asif and Shemal for finding the past two vids for me.


Laura Marling:
I could listen to this woman's voice for a very long time. Entrancing. "Devil's Spoke" Good tune. Loves it.


Mumford & Sons:
Finally, at least for this blog, is Mumford & Sons with "Little Lion Man." This song is good because it pretty much says what a lot of people think. It's some good stuff with super guitar playing and rhythm. Yeah!

I'm stuck without a fully functioning spacebar on my laptop keyboard because I spilled Pepsi on it. I had a poem due on Monday for my poetry class and didn't have anything to write about and I was on a deadline so I wrote a haiku about the incident. Enjoy.

Greasy Haiku
Fucking waffle fries,
you made my hands all greasy.
My drink lay close by.

A foreshadowing:
I never asked for fries. You
are God-damn evil.

You killed my precious.
Took her down in her prime, I'm
lost without her here.

The drink slipped. Regret.
Her blue screen would fill my dark
room and heart; no more.

Rest in peace laptop.


That's my poem hurrah. I have to revise all these poems by the end of the quarter so I may put my final drafts on here or not, you may just have to be content with the bad ones.

It is a hard fact to soak in, that after many years, the Lakeshore Theater has closed its doors and has formally ceased operations.

Heartbreak is understandable when I have a connection like this:

I went to my first show at the Lakeshore on Thursday September 25th, 2008, my Freshman year at DePaul University, and I know this because I kept every single ticket stub from every single show I've been to and pinned them to my cork board. It was strange how I happened to go because I went to dinner with a few friends and one of the people I was with saw someone else I had never met and got to talking about a comedy show they had tickets for but couldn't go to that night, so I offered to relieve him of his tickets, and we swapped numbers; I picked up the tickets about a half hour later outside his residence hall. There I was, with two tickets to see Christian Finnegan (of VH1 fame) live, and I had nobody to go with even as show time continued to grow closer. I almost gave up going all together because nobody wanted to come but my suitemate finally caved in and came with me; neither of us regretted it.

Note that the same night we went, there was a late show and an early show. The tickets I had were for the early show but at the late show Robin Williams showed up and did stand-up comedy for a crowd of surprised spectators. SO AWESOME!

From that point on I was immersed in a world of underground Chicago comedy. Stand up comedians that hadn't been heard of before in the mainstream had a chance to show what they had there. In all honesty, I took too much advantage of the free tickets that were being given out. It seemed like every single week I was getting an email or call from the venue offering tickets so I always would take them up on it; hey, it was a free show, and it wasn't like I was 21, so I couldn't buy alcohol either way. It was a win-win for me and the friends that I was able to bring along.

I saw Maria Bamford, TJ Miller, Jamie Kilstein, Bo Burnham, Mike DeSefano, and Todd Barry all within my Freshman year at DePaul for free (with the exception of Bo Burnham) but no comic came close to the sheer brilliance of Jim Jeffries, a man I had never heard of up until seeing him live Friday November 21st, 2008. The man was completely drunk on stage (it was the late show) but I honestly can say I have never laughed so hard in my entire life; my chest was burning by the end of it and I was practically keeled over the whole time howling like a banshee, in a good way though. The things that were coming out of Jim's mouth were so new, offensive, and quick I will never ever forget it. The man literally got off the stage and proceeded to walk around the audience making fun of people and breaking people down. Jim was so drunk he brought out the House Manager at the time, sat him down on the stage, made fun of him, and then tea-bagged him onstage; it was fucking amazing and I mean that. The show lasted far longer than anyone anticipated because Jim did probably two to three hours of straight comedy...I just literally can't explain the gargantuan effect it had on me. I had never seen a more honest and true performer in my life and still haven't seen anyone match him, even the likes of Chappelle or Cook.

During the Lakeshore Channel Taping on March 28th, 2009 I actually got up on stage and did some comedy in front of a semi-large crowd with two friends planted in there somewhere...I won't lie since that day it's been a dream of mine to get back on that same platform and do more, unfortunately that dream won't be coming true as far as I can tell with the Lakeshore's closing. I never even got around to writing material for the Lakeshore Open Mics that had been going on for a little bit, no time to practice or write I almost regret it now, even though had I done it I would have been completely ill-prepared.

My Sophomore year I even made an effort to get people to the Lakeshore to experience the same things that I had early in the first quarter. On August 29th, 2009 I took twelve people from my residence hall, after having met them only a few days prior, to see Ted Alexandro, another hilarious dry-humor styled comedian. I followed that up by taking ten of my students from the class that I was teaching to see Jim Jeffries on October 16th, 2009 to similar, yet much more restrained, hilarious comedy that I had seen before.

I constantly was inviting people to see shows at the Lakeshore Theater with me. Pretty much anyone I have ever been close to throughout my college experience has had me offer them a chance to come with me and see a show at the Lakeshore Theater because it truly was a place where comedy thrived and the people were treated with excellent entertainment; I'm happy that I was able to accommodate most of the people who had an interest to go with tickets.

Granted, not every show blew my head away like Jim Jeffries. It's safe to say that I wasn't impressed by Mike DeStefano or Robert Hines but amongst that I still never thought that the owner and lead booker for talent, Christopher Ritter, didn't have my interest in mind because more times than not I was impressed. Ritter booked the big acts like Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the Sklar Brothers among others but he gave comedians like Nick Thune, TJ Miller, and Jamie Kilstein a chance to showcase their comedy and grow their fanbase before they blew up on the national scene. If you're familiar with comedy, you should know that TJ Miller was named to Comedy Central's Hot List and that Nick Thune has been on Leno, both with their own Comedy Central Presents while Jamie Kilstein has his own radio show and tours with Janeane Garofalo.

This last performance at and for the Lakeshore Theater by Jim Jeffries, was again, to say the least, amazing. I am just in love with what he does on stage. I have had so much history with the Lakeshore in so little time that I and even Ritter were surprised when almost a quarter of the audience clapped when the question was posed whether it was their first time at the Lakeshore seeing a show. You see, because of that, it tells me the Lakeshore wasn't dead before they announced their closing on April 1st (fitting, right?) and it isn't dead now even though it's closed; people will remember tonight, the events previous, and what the Lakeshore Theater meant to comedy in Chicago. I am so sad to see the Lakeshore close but I will follow what advice Chris Ritter left the audience with- to never buy into the mainstream and give places like the Lakeshore a chance. All-State arena may get big acts but it's all commercial, while you get real people at smaller venues, that are dedicated to the art of comedy and not the profits (not Zanies). It's funny that the biggest joke pulled over all of us by the Lakeshore was that the thing that it was best at doing lead to its demise. Irony is a bitch.

RIP Lakeshore Theater: April 11th, 2010.

I had two different assignments from two different classes and I was able to morph one idea into fitting them both.

This is my Screenwriting assignment; I had to write about an emotional event and I chose to do it on my first kiss.

The Beach

She was wearing watermelon lip gloss. I was nervous.
We were surrounded by trees, a path of sand leading down to the beach.
She had her hands behind her back. I had mine folded across my chest.
We stood with our legs shoulder width apart about an arm's length apart from each other.
She would smile at me and then glance at the ground. I would glance at her and then would look at the breaking waves and stars, the moon partially blocked by the leaves and branches of the tallest tree.
We would catch our eyes looking at the other's.
She had an enticing perfume on. I probably should have worn more antiperspirant.
We weren't oblivious to what the other was thinking.
She thought I was thinking that I was in over my head. I thought she was thinking that she couldn't give me any more hints.
We were young and facing easier problems then.
She took a step forward. I took my right hand and put it just above her left hip and my right hand went to the back of her right shoulder blade to pull her close.
No, that's not what I did. That's what I should have done. I took a step forward instead.
We found each other at the perfect time in our lives.
I leaned forward, lips slightly closed. She leaned forward, lips slightly open.


This is my poem I wrote for Intermediate Poetry Writing and it was a little harder because the professor had a few guidelines you had to follow for the poem. So, I took the same concept and molded it into this poem:


State Park
My still frame        memories
                            hang on me,
weighing my body
                            down  
where the pictures of good times are kept.

We were surrounded
                            by the pine trees
and caught by our own eyes
                            and our innocence
which made us feel free to explore.

It was my first time,
                            though I believe
it was your first time,
                            our lips knew
we should have stayed in that moment forever,
we should have stayed in that moment forever.

I need to get all this out as fast as possible; I haven't updated much since Spring Break ended but I've been thinking about this honest, I just haven't figured to post anything.

My new screenwriting class has me writing in a completely different notebook, halting the progress I had with another notebook, which sucks because I was very close to filling it completely up with just my outside writing, which is a feat for me. Plus, with this notebook/journal we have to keep I'm more likely to write something in there than I am on here. An example of that would be the one I wrote on the train. Now, none of that stuff is really relevant and only for the moment but oh well...

I am home in Port Huron now, sitting and typing this up at 1am, like so many other things I've written on this computer this late. It's always odd coming back after an extended period away because everything seems different even though it's exactly the same. I know the routine though. I know who and where I need to go in the two days I'll be here. Driving is an experience I'm looking forward to having again, plus I won't have to deal with those crazy Chicago drivers or like I had to deal with Floridian drivers while I was driving my sister's car around the last time I went down there.

So Easter's coming up...that's all on that subject.

I don't know I'm just really excited for this quarter. So far I've been having a blast and can't wait to see what other things await me in the near-future. With Europe coming up quick I realize over and over again how lucky I am as a person to be living the life I am...