I couldn't wait to get out of middle school.

And I definitely couldn't wait to get out of high school.

By the end of high school I had fallen in to what I can best describe as a stereotyped version of myself. This may be a new concept but I'm pretty sure everyone's felt it at one point.

I can safely say my experience at the World Scholar Athlete Games in the summer of '06 was as true to me as I could possibly be. I showed off every quality that I would want to be remembered with, which is part of the reason I still maintain good relations with friends from there that I haven't seen since, and that was four years ago. The people that I met there really saw the side of me that's rarely seen in public everywhere else. Also, I feel like IRHA '10 was another breakthrough time for me because I seemed to get out of this inherent method of internalizing things and show off my outgoingness and spirit.

In both those places I knew very little people (at WSAG I didn't know anyone) and they were in a location that was unfamiliar to me. These seeming hindrances highlight some of my greatest strengths and I could express them because of that. My fellow DePaul IRHA crew could probably attest to the difference in what I was before the conference to how I was during it, and then what I retained after I left.

My personality and character is adapting or evolving, everyone's is at different paces, and I'll admit mine is changing relatively slow, which isn't a bad thing- it's not like I'm having mood swings.

But when I'm in a place like high school or college for some period of time I feel like I fall into a routine, or this "stereotyped version of myself," so that when I try and express or do something that is out of the ordinary, people look at it like a hiccup, when it's really just a sign of my evolving character. Spontaneity, to me, is advancement of character being revealed. An example might help:

I used to and am starting to write stand-up comedy again; I've performed four or five times in my life, which isn't a lot, but I'm willing to give it more of my time. Back in high school I was a pretty shut-in kind of person. I had a close-knit group of friends but wasn't so extroverted towards other people. I'd follow the rules, up until a certain point, and kind of was known for being a certain way. If I had been in a group of people in my class and we had gotten off topic and I had made a dirty joke, people were shocked- and instead of laughing, where normally it would be appropriate, they would just look at me like I had just spoken in jibberish. This spontaneous joke was me trying to show my extroverted side to other people.

Now, I'm not saying college is like high school, but I am saying that I feel like I'm starting to fall into a place where people will start expecting me to keep within ways I normally act, and it's a little unfair.

As an RA I'm now expected to have a higher standard of how I conduct myself and obviously I have no problem with complying with this policy because a lot of what I already am coincides with these clauses but I hope that I won't have to abandon any part of me that is quintessential to me.

Growing up is a grooming process, but after all these snips and cuts away at deemed inappropriate qualities I want to maintain the core essence of who I am and not become a bot who acts like everyone else all the time. Those at IRHA and WSAG know what kind of person I'm capable of being all the time- I'm not there yet. Watch for those spontaneous moments, I'm tellin' ya. Often times I'll think about doing something and not do it, but I think I'm going to try and be more willing to say and do these things.

Cheers to becoming a better me.