I couldn't wait to get out of middle school.

And I definitely couldn't wait to get out of high school.

By the end of high school I had fallen in to what I can best describe as a stereotyped version of myself. This may be a new concept but I'm pretty sure everyone's felt it at one point.

I can safely say my experience at the World Scholar Athlete Games in the summer of '06 was as true to me as I could possibly be. I showed off every quality that I would want to be remembered with, which is part of the reason I still maintain good relations with friends from there that I haven't seen since, and that was four years ago. The people that I met there really saw the side of me that's rarely seen in public everywhere else. Also, I feel like IRHA '10 was another breakthrough time for me because I seemed to get out of this inherent method of internalizing things and show off my outgoingness and spirit.

In both those places I knew very little people (at WSAG I didn't know anyone) and they were in a location that was unfamiliar to me. These seeming hindrances highlight some of my greatest strengths and I could express them because of that. My fellow DePaul IRHA crew could probably attest to the difference in what I was before the conference to how I was during it, and then what I retained after I left.

My personality and character is adapting or evolving, everyone's is at different paces, and I'll admit mine is changing relatively slow, which isn't a bad thing- it's not like I'm having mood swings.

But when I'm in a place like high school or college for some period of time I feel like I fall into a routine, or this "stereotyped version of myself," so that when I try and express or do something that is out of the ordinary, people look at it like a hiccup, when it's really just a sign of my evolving character. Spontaneity, to me, is advancement of character being revealed. An example might help:

I used to and am starting to write stand-up comedy again; I've performed four or five times in my life, which isn't a lot, but I'm willing to give it more of my time. Back in high school I was a pretty shut-in kind of person. I had a close-knit group of friends but wasn't so extroverted towards other people. I'd follow the rules, up until a certain point, and kind of was known for being a certain way. If I had been in a group of people in my class and we had gotten off topic and I had made a dirty joke, people were shocked- and instead of laughing, where normally it would be appropriate, they would just look at me like I had just spoken in jibberish. This spontaneous joke was me trying to show my extroverted side to other people.

Now, I'm not saying college is like high school, but I am saying that I feel like I'm starting to fall into a place where people will start expecting me to keep within ways I normally act, and it's a little unfair.

As an RA I'm now expected to have a higher standard of how I conduct myself and obviously I have no problem with complying with this policy because a lot of what I already am coincides with these clauses but I hope that I won't have to abandon any part of me that is quintessential to me.

Growing up is a grooming process, but after all these snips and cuts away at deemed inappropriate qualities I want to maintain the core essence of who I am and not become a bot who acts like everyone else all the time. Those at IRHA and WSAG know what kind of person I'm capable of being all the time- I'm not there yet. Watch for those spontaneous moments, I'm tellin' ya. Often times I'll think about doing something and not do it, but I think I'm going to try and be more willing to say and do these things.

Cheers to becoming a better me.

I have twenty minutes to write and it's twenty minutes I'm going to use to the best of my ability while both my laptop and iPod charge for this journey to the other side of Ireland, to wait for a plane to take off tomorrow, to take me back to the States, where I won't get back home until very late that same night. It's here, folks.

Like the before mentioned departure date from Port Huron, the departure date from Ireland has sort of snuck up on me. Not that I didn't know it was there, just that I've been busy doing other things to bother with it. But I can do that no longer.

So I leave. What happens when I get home?

I would hope my friends would have this date marked in their calendars with circles around it and arrows pointing to it as if to mark its significance; however, while I don't know the value in this long awaited return it's perhaps me who has been making the circles and drawing in the arrows because for forty-three days now I have been completely on my own aside from the very few times that I was with people I knew.

Over in Europe I had to find my way pretty much, forge ahead alone, and I got to admit- it was hard and sometimes painful to keep forcing myself forward. Would I have seen more with another person? Would I have experienced less?

Loneliness is an all too familiar feeling and it's documented in this blog. It is a motif in my life and it comes and goes in various forms. I am slobbering over the opportunity to really focus in on this subject, possibly in a future play I will write (it's definitely not going to be in the next few months, but I will leave it on the shelf and pick it up later).

I will go home. I will see the people I only got to see a few times in between college and this trip and I'm hoping for glorious things. And it doesn't need to be glorious as in magical to anybody else but me...a simple get together with a movie on discussing pop culture would be considered glorious to me at this point.

I only have a few weeks before I leave for college again, and then it's off for who knows how long. I want to be a holiday RA, meaning I'd spend a majority of my time in Chicago, added to the fact I want to be a summer RA I would be basically be living in Chicago year round from when I start school again until I graduate hopefully. This leaves a fine predicament for the friends back home.

Growing up you have to deal with things like this but up until now I haven't really. There have been a few friends, over the course of a long time, who have faded away and others who I haven't seen in years and have been able to keep really good contact with, but are my friends and I ready for this?

There's very little chance, noting the number of times this has happened, that they'll come and visit. Maybe once an academic year (if I'm lucky).

I want to stay in Chicago or go to LA or New York. They are back in Michigan and I'm unsure of their plans.

It's life happening in front of your eyes and if I had more time to type I'd keep doing it...but for a later date the conclusion will be written maybe

Hey blog, you look good. You've got some rust on ya, but nothing a little polish and shine with newly written material can't help make you more appealing to the female blogs.

So yes, I'm writing again; it's not like I stopped, but I'm back in the business of writing on this. And no, I'm not quite home yet, but in 2 days I will be. I'm writing this from my hostel, which I'll be checking out of in a little less than 10 hrs. The rest of the day will be spent at the Comedy Carnival and trying to get my last bit of Dublin in before I head to Shannon Airport to fly home the next day.

I'm not going to write anything about my trip on this blog...I'll be writing that elsewhere. It's book material, just sayin'.

Well, short post tonight...just to get the feel for it again. Won't add another for a while probably because I have to get home, get over jet lag, and catch up on a life I haven't been a apart of for a while