Normally I wouldn't post a blog just to do it and have another entry, but up until May 21st I had more blog posts than Jason Mraz (and I was pretty proud of that). I haven't checked since then but either way I feel I have been a little bit slacking on this so, here's what I gotta say.

These past few weeks have been ridiculous, a whirlwind of discombobulated snapshots over what seemed to be three days. I'm sitting and reflecting on my mugging, the outpouring of emotion from my friends, the reconnection and loss of a friend, my new job, and sincere "up in the air" future plans.

I still have no idea where I'm living next year. I still have no idea which class I'm teaching next quarter. I still have no idea where I'm going to stay my entire trip in Europe. I'm stuck in limbo for many of these things without a sense of when I'll be able to find out. It's kind of been a trend lately, just being in limbo, without any way of progressing; I feel like I can only lose out on what I've gained at this point.

I'm so ambiguous sometimes.

I got a new job working with my supervisor from my other job in Englewood. I like it a lot more.

2 weeks left of school! Since Memorial Day is a holiday DePaul takes off, two of my one-day a week classes are cancelled so I only have one more class in those.

FEST is next week. LUDACRIS! So excited. Also that weekend I'm going to see the Chicago Fire play AC Milan. My Memorial Day weekends have been pretty awesome for the past few years so I'm glad it's continuing the tradition.

Nervous about Europe. I feel like I have so much to plan but at the same time I don't really. Maybe because it's going to be only me. Probably.

Had a photo shoot Wednesday and Saturday. One for DePaul and one that is getting me headshots for acting.

From my poetry class I'm getting poetry overload. I'm still writing though. I'm writing A LOT. A lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with my blog, in preparation for this summer's projects.

There's really a lot going on right now in my life. Both good and bad.

This is a poem I wrote for Immediate Poetry Writing...I wrote it in 10 mins...I understand the quality suffered. It's in the form "litany."

Fate Makes

Fate makes the birds fly south
              and the fish swim upstream.
Fate makes wars possible,
              but what about peace?
Fate makes two lovers separate
               only to do it two-fold.
Fate makes this poem seem like an eternity,
               whereas lives are kept strictly to an hourglass.
Fate makes the food chain possible
               and my life expendable.

Fate makes children be born with mental disorders.
Fate makes fools of us all because
Fate makes believers out of false destinies and
Fate makes these promises without any regard;
Fate makes and breaks the rules.

This is why I don't believe in fate.

As a way to force myself to write honestly I practice this method of freewriting where I sit down and just type, without thinking too much on what I'm going to say, but just letting the words speak for themselves. Often times I find that I come up with an idea that I never thought of, or something that hadn't occurred to me which is always nice. This time I'm going to use a few topics though to get me going, So long as I don't go back and edit for spelling or punctuation, what you see in this blog will be first draft stuff, just kind of a thrown together idea salad.

annnnnd go

Today was the Student Affairs Leadership Training and I wasn't thrilled to wake up for it because I wasn't really sure what to expect other than what people had told me, about how boring it was. I found myself genuinely enjoying it though as I went from presentation to presentation.

The first one I went to was called 'Dialogue: Skills for Conversational Engagement' and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was interesting to think about how people talk and converse differently and I would definitely like to learn more on the topic so I can become a better conversationalist and really get to the meat of what people are trying to get across. Plus, the facilitator who was leading the presentation was awesome, I want to go back and talk more with the guy to get one on one tutoring because he was so successful at what he did; I respected that.

The next one was called 'F.I.S.H.!' and it was about empowered leadership.What it was really trying to get across were four main components on how to be a better leader. I saw myself using this more in my Chicago Quarter Mentor role as I teach first year students about things that they won't necessarily need right away in their college careers but can run into situations I talk about later on. The four components on making a class more enjoyable, according to the presentation was (1) Play, (2) Know Your Audience, (3) Choose Your Attitude, and (4) Be There. I won't delve too much into details about each one because it would just be me summing up the whole presentation, which I don't want to do. Anyways, I can definitely see myself using those things come the start of next fall!

We had lunch and I sat next to my co-RA's. Everyone as really nice and outgoing in bringing people into the conversation, they definitely made me feel at home.

The final presentation I went to was 'There's No "I" In Team' and it was about getting to know the people around you and how Icebreakers are a good way to develop relationship. As a proponent of community and communication I can still say that I hate icebreakers. I may have been better served by going to another presentation.

After some concluding statements the RA's were separated into their halls and had individual meetings. UAC went back to Housing Services and had our meeting and then toured the facilities. I'm upset we didn't learn where we were staying just yet. I hope I'm living on the 1st floor of Sanctuary. Out of all the rooms I definitely was drawn to that the most and hope that the fates see to grant my room appointment in the favor I want.

That was my little bit of SALT talk that I had, the whole thing lasted from 9a-5p. I decided to opt not to go out tonight, I haven't had much sleep the past few days; next week FOR SURE, I already have some things lined up, which is always a good sign.

Now, I will try and get some rest, wake up tomorrow and write a poem that I've been trying to write all week. I just can't seem to get the right words to match up. Gah!

Thus concludes the Freewriting exercise

Another poem from my Intermediate Poetry Writing class...it's a blank verse poem

Corner of Normal and Stewart (60621)
Fear of death is natural at nineteen,
we can't grasp what life offers luckier
patrons of this once in a lifetime fest.
So when attacked by five muggers who beat,
break, and steal- better to be safe than dead.

Never saw it coming, thought I was safe,
underneath this safety net cast by my
"dream" job on the South Side of Chicago;
I only liked it for the money though.
I told myself I'd quit if I got hurt.

Physically, when I hit the concrete,
with my face, held down by a sole who could
barely begin to empathize with the
cowering being underneath if it;
bruises, cuts, and sore skin formed on my head.

Emotionally, my trust dwindled. Now,
I can't walk down the street without thinking
that man is going to do the same. Swipe arms,
time to run, get met with reinforcements,
not a second to think, moments to act.

Shock is hard to absorb so keep your wits
sharper than the knife they may pull and don't
carry all you love in one case, it's much
easier to lose in one incident.
Fear itself is good to avoid getting killed.

This is Update #3 from the mugging incident...to be caught up, you can refer to a few posts down called "MUGGED"

I may not look as tough as I am on the outside as I am on the inside. With all of this shit being shoveled on me at once I have been able to look at it and sense that this is what it is, and I just have to face up to that.

I had a job with Imagine Englewood if for nine months before anything terrible happened to me. Sure, there were times when I was frightened by the antics of a person around me but nothing ever came out of it. The funny thing, or incredibly sad thing, is that I told myself that I'd only quit if I got physically assaulted because I can deal with the mind blocks people try and impose on me. As much as I tried to put it out of my mind I faced the same danger every single time I went down there, and if you've read my other blog posts you have to be aware that people told me I was "brave" for what I was doing, though I never really felt that way.

My point is, is that it could have happened any day, why yesterday? I'll never know, but thankfully it happened this close to the end of the year so I had the opportunity to work with the organization as long as I did. For as much as I hated my job, which I did a lot, it got me to go places I never would have dreamed about going and I got to see for myself what the South Side of Chicago is like, from the good side to the very rotten side and I've experienced a lot of suffering in the area aside from my own.

Today I had to go down to Union Station to pick up my train tickets home because I couldn't purchase them online and I really did not want to go alone, even with that many people around. The thing people don't realize is that muggings can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. If they think they can get away with it they will try to go through with it. I am happy that I am getting away from Chicago to restart my systems and come back with the same bright view of Chicago that I did before the incident. Remember though please, everything happens so fast, you don't have much time to react and within that small fraction of time you have to decide many different things; it's often best to do what I did and comply by getting on the ground and letting them take what they want to take.

I feel bad though, I'm glad again that I'm going home because while I was on the train I thought I saw one of the attackers, whether it was or not is irrelevant, because I don't want to think about it; I don't want to feel threatened anymore. My trip home will be nice to be in a comfortable environment again, I'm really hoping this is exactly what I need.

To reiterate my closing statements of last blog though, thank you to all those that have read, responded, or sent any kind of prayer my way; I will be alright...I will be alright...I will be alright, you guys have made much of the difference as going home will be the cherry on top. My parents always told me things happen for a reason, and whether or not I want to believe that it's applicable in this case, I have come to realize so many things about people in general and to the number of people who have and continue to make an impact on my life; thank you so much everyone.

If you don't know already what's happened please refer to the post below this one entitled "MUGGED." There you can be caught up on the most recent turn of events in my life.

Now for this post...

Try sleeping after you've been mugged earlier that day,...this is the challenge I am facing right now. Instead, I am downstairs in the basement of my residence hall writing this.

I gave it a go...I really did, trying to sleep that is. You can't help but replay the incident over and over in your head, working out all the scenarios possible and what exactly they're doing with all your stuff. What could I have done differently to avoid it, if anything? Then again, your mind is telling you there's probably nothing that could have prevented it. When five people go after you like they did today I don't think much could have been different.

In the darkness trying to sleep I could feel my jaw throbbing, my head pounding, my body aching, and the scratches and bruises from falling on the concrete rub against my constricting sheets.

I'll go back up there momentarily. I am shivering while typing this. I don't know if its because I'm cold or something else...

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for filling my Facebook wall up with well wishes; I have been blessed with some of the greatest people alongside of me, I don't know where I would be without you all, or who I would be for that matter. I genuinely owe each of you more than a comment back on a wall and know that I will help any of you with anything you need help with. I've decided to write each of you a personalized thank you card on the train ride home to fill the time, 8 hours of thank you card writing back and forth should be sufficient.

Again, really people, thank you thank you thank you. Expect those cards soon

This is the email I sent to my boss after the incident in its entirety. There's more underneath it too.

Ms Hill:
I wanted to let you know about the events that transpired today on my way to work, I feel that I owe you that, knowing I was supposed to work from 3:00-9:00pm tonight. I'm sure by now you are already somewhat aware of what happened but I wanted to clarify exactly what happened.

Like every Wednesday on my way to work I got off the red line and proceeded to walk over to True Vine. I came earlier than usual, hoping to make it to the office by 2:30 because my enrollment for classes was set to take place at that time and I didn't want to miss the opportunity for a class that I wanted. At 2:25 I had checked my phone and I was crossing the playground over to Normal (I think the street name is). I turned onto the street and opened my laptop as I walked in order to make sure I had it ready for the 2:30 enrollment assignment.

Behind me, I heard footsteps and I turned around to look who it was. An African American male about 5'10 with a gray shirt tried to run past me and swipe the computer from my hands. I turned my body away from the attacker and looked at him and asked him what he was trying to do. He ordered me to hand over my laptop and I refused so I turned around and started to run back towards the playground that I passed through. Unfortunately, three men were behind me stopping my escape. I stood frozen as the original mugger pushed me into the other three and they demanded I hand my laptop over, again I refused. I was then punched across the face by another African American male about 5'5-5'6 with a white polo. The total number of people around me was five.

I fell to the ground not hoping to instigate more violence and someone stepped on my head to stop me from getting up. They swiped my pants pockets and stole my laptop, iPod, cell phone, external hard drive and ran off into the alley. Someone on the Robeson High School baseball field saw the attack and called the cops. There, I waited as the cops came to take the profiles of the people I saw. The people around me waited until the police came and we went into the school and looked at the security tapes to see if it caught what happened, I just was out of view of the camera it turns out.

I don't know what time it was when the police brought me to True Vine to talk to you, but you weren't there. In my state I was emotional and aggravated so I apologize for the way I came off to those there. I left with the police and they gave me a ride home to Fullerton.

I am sitting on a friends computer now having completed putting the pictures on the websites slide show. I feel I have completed the last objective you gave me. Today, my worst fears about Englewood were realized and I am truly sorry that it happened, I would have gladly stayed on the position. Talking to my family and confronting my own personal conflicts, I regret to inform you that today will be the last day I come to True Vine to be an intern with the organization. My talks with you a few weeks ago, should be a testament to the experience that I had working at 'Imagine Englewood if.' If you still need me to write up something about my experience, omitting the most recent occurrence, I will do so.

I am going to be emailing my supervisor after I finish with this email and will be letting her know what happened. Please understand my side and I wish you all the best in continuing the efforts within the Englewood community, I know how much they need it.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about the websites or anything feel free to email me. Know though, I don't have a laptop at the moment and am not able to read my email as often.

Take care,
Eric David Ruelle


So the little bit of extra stuff I had to write was about the police giving me a ride home. Not only did South Siders reinforce typical stereotypes but the Chicago police as well continued the trend.

The police took a while to show up to the place where I was attacked and it was only one car with three people in it. They took down the information of the people and said they would go looking for them and that another car was on their way. We saw the other police car drive right by us and again it took a while for them to find where I was, even though I gave them exact intersection names.

So the two police officers that I spent the most time with were, to me, Sergei Federov (the NHL player) and Erik Estrada (from CHiPs). They were nice. They took me anywhere I needed to go. It wasn't fun for me though because I was riding in the back of the police patrol car, which isn't comfortable and alienating.

The thing about these two were was that they didn't care what they say or did in front of me, obviously. They offered to take me back to DePaul, which I didn't really care about, I mean, they stole pretty much everything I had. Instead of going the highway, they took me down Halsted. Are you kidding me po-po? Referred to one of the officers as "the scenic route." They seemed less concerned about getting me back to DePaul than wasting time getting me there.

On the way we talked about sports, avi.

They also talked about getting "shit-faced" and "plastered" on the weekends...apparently Sergei enjoys the spirits.

The experience of riding in the cop car can't be beat I must say, especially when you've done nothing wrong...it's funny to see how stop lights become stop signs and what they say about the other drivers on the road.

I got out of the vehicle at the corner of Racine and Fullerton. Fortunately, there was someone right next to me from my residence hall,...he looked at me, paused, and said "Sup?" As nonchalantly as I could I said "Sup?" back and walked down Fullerton towards University Hall. I felt pretty badass by doing it.

In all,...I had a pretty interesting day...I got mugged, quit my job, bought tickets to go home, emailed my professors about the incident, and all my important information is gone. Where do I go from here? I have no idea.

As to my physical condition, I'm sore, my head hurts and I have a few cuts and bruises.

Next month I'll be leaving for Europe and I still can't believe it, it feels like I still have so much left to plan when in reality I have a lot of things under control. This blog isn't really about what I will be doing in Europe, though I'm sure as I move closer to the date I will write about it, it's more about what I hope to gain from the experience.

For me, it will be the first time I go overseas. Sure, I have been to a bunch of places in the Northwestern Hemisphere but it seems like such a huge step to venture into the Eastern Hemisphere (dah duh dummmm). It's not just Europe I'm visiting either because my first stop is in Cairo, Egypt to visit my friend who lives there when not in school.

By the time I get back I want to have written a lot.
I want to write a series called "Lucky Penny Moments" where little instances of luck resulting in something positive. These will be short, more like Tweets, but I don't know how much access I'll have to internet so my notebook will serve as the note holder.

I want to come out of Europe with a few novel ideas. Ideas that I can actually use sometime to write a book. It's time to start expanding my repertoire from short stories, sketches, and poems to quality stories and screenplays of length.

I am hoping to think critically about my future. I mean, for real, not like the dreams that I have but how I can actually accomplish them.

I want to come back with stories. Of all kinds.

I'm going to be traveling alone as far as I know...so, I want to test myself to go places even when I'm tired and don't want to walk anymore.

I don't know, there's so much...I'm just really looking forward to the 14th of June where I leave home for a long and exciting journey. Yeee.

This is an English Sonnet I wrote for Intermediate Poetry Writing Class


Dear Sister,

I can honestly say that you test my
Endurance to tolerate a sibling.
Fourteen years, seemingly is a long time
Without understandings on anything.
I remember our younger days when we
Climbed mountains made of stairs just to let go.
We'd spread our arms when it was windy,
Believing we could fly. Nothing to show.
That was short lived and arguing became
Games we both wanted to win. Our lives
Were made unbearable, it was a shame
Neither of us ever apologized.
I'm glad now we're working through it; truth be,
A better man is what you have made me.

I love you sis,
Eric


Again, first draft stuff...hope you enjoyed

I have some time before I go to sleep so I guess I'll go over today in a nutshell and what tomorrow will be like.

SO, today was Vincentian Service Day and I was debating for a month about whether or not I wanted to do it. I had a great experience last year but I knew the people that I was going with and didn't know RHC had a site that they were doing this year, so instead of going and volunteering I stayed in...I know, lame; but it's okay.

I was in my room and I got to think about a lot of stuff...how independence is such a big thing and how in college I'm in this weird mode where I'm still so reliant on my parents I can't really say how much independence I actually have.

I had a dream last night where I put the USB part of my wireless mouse on the back of the mouse and there was a little notch on the USB and the mouse so they could fit together. Before that I had no idea that this could be done. When I woke up I looked and was amazed at how they lined up and when the USB fit in with the mouse it turned off. Now when I'm not using my wireless mouse I can turn it off. I was proud of dreaming that. PS I had a dream the day before last night and it was about me writing a novel that was really epic. I'm really sad I can't remember anything about the novel.

After lunch I went back to my room and purchased the MLB TV function for my PS3 on a monthly subscription. I'm really happy I did because I saw Jeremy Bonderman throw a really good game and Johnny Damon hit a walk-off homerun to win the game. Good choice.

The game ended and by that point it was time to hang out with my friend Kirk, a good friend from the summer going into Freshman year of high school. We have far too many tales to bring the reader up to speed on what our relationship is like but every time we need to hang out it's always hilarious and fun. Today we went downtown and ate Noodles & Co at Millennium Park. We people watched for a while and walked down Michigan to the Apple store. Then we proceeded to head back to his place and sit on his fire escape which faces West with a pretty good view. However, when we got there and looked out to where we'd be sitting, his neighbor who also had access to the fire-escape on the other side, was taking a shower and the open window he was standing in front of highlighted and framed the genital area of the man. It was awkward to say the least knowing we couldn't go out on the fire escape with a man taking a shower right next to us...it was a "had to be there" moment but it was hilarious none the less. For real though, his whole body was covered by a glass window that was blurred except for that completely clear area where it could be opened to lead out onto the fire escape. Imagine about to go out and you're stopped dead in your tracks by a penis on the other side of the fire escape; craziness.

I left Kirk's and went to the UC downtown to be with my peeps down there. We watched The Dark Knight in the Media Room. On my way out I ran into an old friend and we got to talking for a long time, it was nice to see him and meet his friends. I'm hoping we get to chill next weekend or something.

All in all it was a good Saturday, aside from that penis thing.

Tomorrow is all about homework, RHC, and chillaxing before the week starts. I don't know if it'll be tough or not. I'm thinking it will be because I have a Poetry presentation next week that I haven't started on and an Intro to Mass Comm essay due Thursday; we'll see though, I haven't really been challenged yet this quarter, thankfully.