Okay, it's here now. C'mon Eric accept it- accept the fact that in mere hours you'll be heading to the airport for the first leg of your journey; a journey that will lead you across two continents, seven countries, and a variety of other intangibles.

But I can't.

It's hard to look down the mouth of an adventure and tell what's waiting for you once you plunge yourself into it. I have no choice but to grit my teeth, lower my right shoulder, and plow into it with all I've got.

I leave for Cairo, Egypt at 3:15am for a 6:00am flight. It will be the longest day of my life because I don't get to Cairo until 12pm the following day.

I don't know how much I'll update this blog, already I've begun work on a journal and that will be my primary place to put down what's happened to me. Check my Facebook for the most up to date stuff. I can't tell how often I'll touch that either.

I'll miss all of you, the ones who are most likely to read this. Take good care of yourselves and be safe. I imagine we'll see each other again soon whether that be back in Port Huron or in Chicago and we'll have lots to share. Know I look forward to this moment almost as much as my entire trip. Friends sometimes become like family and after saying goodbye to some of my friends last night, and most of my family today, it's all pretty heavy for me to be away and alone for that long.

Send me your prayers, well wishes, or what-have-you because I'll need them. Keep in touch please. Leave me messages on my Facebook wall and I'll write you back. This is going to be a ridiculous time in my life and like I've said before many good things will come from it. Don't let one of the drawbacks be losing touch with some of you.

I wish I had a better conclusion, but I don't.

Always,
Eric

I went out to lunch with my friends today and got a fortune cookie. Inside it read: "Get your mind set...Confidence will lead you on."

As earlier posts would suggest, I am a pretty superstitious person. I may not believe in my horoscope but I definitely look at them and try and attribute it to my life, or try and rebuke it. Strangely, the fortune cookie has some relevance to my situation in getting ready for Europe.

I am nervous and I think it's been clear to the people I've talked to about the trip. There's so much for me to plan myself that at times I think its over my head. Confidence is definitely something I need going into Monday morning. Truthfully, I believe I'm going to be fine and since I'm such an independent person already I can combine that with my resourcefulness to at least survive the 43 days.

Short post today- long day of packing, visiting, and planning tomorrow. Interesting.

Bee-tee-dubs:
I'm going to do great things one day, things that I am proud of and love doing; I'm beginning to see what lies ahead of me and I'm excited. I'm excited to share this with all of you. A lot can happen in the two years I still have left in undergrad...stay tuned.

I'm feeling frisky today, why not do two posts at one time; it's my blog, I do what I want. That, and I feel that last blog was uninteresting.

Chicago won the Stanley Cup. Just making sure you knew, if you hadn't heard already from the thousands of "supporters" around Chicago. Props to those that were actually fans before they started televising the games a few years ago, you deserved this win.

I think Chicago is a crazy city, like, literally mentally disturbed on some level. There's the good, bad, and turrrible; I've experienced all of this.

I felt guilty on the way home from Chicago because my parents stopped at a BP gas station; however, the gas was ten cents cheaper and it wasn't full of people like the one across the street. Either way, I hope all of that money is going towards helping clean up that mess- doubt it though. Was watching the news today and it said that BP was a 9 billion dollar industry last year. How does this happen? When does a company stop caring about the customers? Is it as soon as they start making money?

I bet if I didn't post a link on my facebook every other blog everyone would forget about it.

That's another thing. I have been in a piss-poor mood lately and have no clue why, and it's mostly just me putting myself down. What am I gonna do when I'm in Europe and only have myself to keep me company? Oh the inner monologues that will come about.

Every time I drive my van I appreciate it that much more. Not only does it have a couch in the back, but an inner tube, and countless other surprises. You Chicagoans know nothing of the joy of riding in my van; shame.

Everyone should visit Port Huron once in their life, I've decided. I think you should come between July 27th and August 18th, just sayin'.

What's going to happen when Paris Hilton dies? Will the media apologize for all that it's done to help further her career but at the same time ruin it? Will the media ever be apologetic for anything? I have a growing distrust of anything with a live microphone and an outlet to reach millions of people at once- but that's just me.

Do people really care about what's going on in my life when I write these blogs? I wrote an entire research paper on blogs and still haven't come to a conclusion on that. It's like, people write these blogs for a few different reasons: (1) to further their interest in something, (2) to deal with issues that a person is facing, (3) to try and convince people of something, or (4) to recount experiences. What does the reader get out of these kind of blogs I'm writing? It's not like I'm saying any of my deepest darkest secrets like the fact, that yes, I did go to a Britney Spears concert in the summer going into 5th grade and actually enjoyed myself, and yes, I have a fear that I'm never good enough or I'll never be happy enough to ever be considered a true optimist; I'm very hopeful that things work out but there's always that little itch. By the way, if I'm to continue this brief honesty of the moment, if you have any question, and I mean ANY question go ahead and ask me. Comment on this blog and I will answer any question, straight up. This blog only though...don't go to the one before this and ask me a question, I will ignore it. Furthermore, if you don't feel like asking me through this find me on my social networking sites and ask; this is legit people. I am not getting a formspring account

Song I had cranked in my van while driving down the street of Port Huron:

How I didn't know that I was going to be gone for 43 days completely boggles my mind. I knew that I was going to be in Europe for a while, but 43 days? I had to count the number today and was pretty shocked to find the actual number. Oh well I guess,...there's no reason not to go for that long...aside from the money issue.

I originally planned to take "x" amount of dollars to Europe. It was a fair number and I thought I had enough to spend. My mind was opened when I took the number of days (43) and divided it from "x" and found that my daily living expenses would be very, very low.

It's safe to say that it's a good thing I did most of my financial stuff today because by 4:00pm I still had some left to do and without tomorrow to finish, Saturday and Sunday would have marked the days where banks are closed and I'd be left without a cent.

I rolled coins for an hour or so with my parents on the living room floor. I then took those coins to TCF where I found the only way I can get money for the coins is if I run it through a change machine, so pretty much all that effort in rolling coins was in vain; at least I knew roughly how much money would come from just the coins. At TCF I got traveler's checks and almost cleaned my account out. At E&A I did just that by closing that account and getting more traveler's checks for my trip.

It's safe to say that financial issues may prove to be an issue over in Europe, but we'll see. There's nothing I can do now but to be smart about how and what I spend my money on. As my mother graciously put, "It's not like he's old enough to drink and go to the bars for hours." While I am old enough to drink throughout Europe I got her point that I won't be spending a majority of my time in pubs, but I won't count them out completely haha.

My mom woke me up at noon this morning when i could have easily slept past 1pm. I'm not upset about that part; I'm upset at the way she chose to go about waking me up.

She walked in the room, over to my window and said, "It's 12 o'clock. I want you to put your clothes away. You still have a lot to do."

No response from me whatsoever, but I was awake, just laying there letting feeling return to my body.

"Now, Eric, don't wait until your father gets home."

Well, before I was just about to turn twenty years old, the threat of having my dad come home to find me lazing around the house without having done what my mother told me to do frightened the fuck out of me; no boy wants to disappoint his father and be lectured on respect and responsibility and be docked on merit.

But today, after my mother said it, I laid back down and thought about it for a half hour. My mom has used this trick throughout my entire life but I'm surprised she used it after I've been living in a different state for two years on my own, but I suppose she forgot in that instance. Normally, after ten or so minutes, she'd come back and try and wake me up again but today she didn't. I think she realized at the same time I did that I don't need to be threatened to get my chores done around the house anymore; I've dealt with responsibility and know my role in the house and exactly what I need to do for myself. I don't need someone breathing down my back to figure out logical steps, it's just insane to think that by this point in my life I would still need that type of guidance.

Either way, dad found out a way to lecture/yell at me about something today. My friends were coming over and I hadn't done the dishes (which I wasn't aware of until he told me)...apparently I missed the one essential thing that has to be done in order for my friends to come; my friends, who come over every other night it seems when I'm home and have seen the house in much worse condition. Sometimes, I just don't understand my father and what he's trying to teach me or mold me into. I've already become so much like him that I hope there's some room left for me to be me.

Chalk it up to nervous angst but life either way has accelerated even more since I got home from Chicago. I turned in my finals like a good student and the packing and moving was done in one day, though I'm still putting things back in order at home (at least the way my parents want them to be).

Five days. Five days. Only five until I will leave the country with only a backpack full of stuff to last me a week plus a month. Just let that soak in; how would it make you feel? I've been given a grand opportunity to do this whole thing but don't think for a second I am entitled to this and that because of my parents I'm able to go on this trip; I've gotten that reaction and it really bothers me because I'm so young they think I haven't done much that merits a trip like this.

True, my parents are letting me gallivant across Europe but they in no way paid for my trip, their involvement includes picking me up and dropping me off from the airport. I have had a job since I was a freshman in high school and was good about saving my money up in order to do something of this magnitude. And yes, I did have parents that helped me with necessary costs along the way but it's something that everyone can do if they work hard enough for it, and I believe I did.

I leave for Cairo, Egypt on the 14th and arrive there the 15th. I will stay in Cairo until the 20th and have a nineteen hour layover in Athens on my way to Madrid, Spain. From there I will travel to Barcelona, Marseilles, Paris, Rome, London, Dublin, and fly out of Shannon, Ireland on the 26th of July. Those are the dates of the trip and stops I want to hit.

I will be traveling alone. I will be very lonely and am already starting to feel the effects of not having anybody to share this experience with. I am a lot sad but I hope it can do wonders for my writing. I already have a screenplay in the works that I'm hoping to send in to be reviewed. The story, I think, is pretty good and I'm just brimming with anticipation to get writing it. Other than that I'm going to be writing 2-minute plays to add to my repertoire so when the time comes that I get an audition or someone wants to see what I'm made of I'll have those at hand. There are so many things that are going to come out of this trip.

Summer will seem shorter at home. I'm not all too sad. I still get to see everyone and spend a great deal of time with them. Relaxation has got to be a top priority when I get back from Europe, ya know the kind, the lazy couch potato maybe-do-some-door-decs kinda thing, right? Who knows.

I believe my bed time has been reached. I really want to say that I miss all of you back in Chicago and I hope the people who are reading this in Port Huron will make an effort to contact me to hangout. I really have so little time left it's hard to plan all this stuff around yours and my free time.

PS- Dear So and So:
       I don't know
       if you're reading this
       but I sincerely miss
       all that little time we spent
       together, but know it meant
       all the world to me so as I
       set sail for new horizons
       know that you'll be on my mind
       while I write and walk from place to place
       no sooner will I forget your face because
       everywhere I go is like a postcard-
       "I wish you were here"

-Eric

I could have easily said that I was just going to go to bed after being up for 39 hours straight (maybe a personal record?), with a combined total of 11 hours slept the previous two days, but I have something I want to make sure I say before I leave Chicago and the rest of the country next Monday; I don't know how much other time I'll have to devote to blogging either.

I write about it a lot but since January I have been volunteering with the Neo-Futurists. I saw my first 'Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind' show this past September and was instantly blown away by the style of theater that was being performed, it had been unlike anything I had seen before; I share similar sensibilities about breaking the fourth wall between audience and performers and the writing from personal experience aspect but this had been done with such professionalism.

After the show, I did my own research and found out about volunteering and months later, here I am, about to leave Chicago for the summer, and sad I won't be able to volunteer with them again until I get back in August because I truly love what I get to do.

Oh dear, I'm running on complete empty on the energy meter and loft and fridge move-out begins in two hours. From there I go straight to the Chicago Quarter Mentor kickoff and get to go right back to moving out fridges and lofts once the kickoff is done. Did I mention tonight that I'm also going to the Neo Futurists again? I won't be out until 1a and my head won't hit the pillow until at least 2a or 2:30a.

These past few days have been absolutely carayzee!!! I had an 8page research paper due and because of some unforeseen blockage in what I was trying to accomplish I had to stay up until roughly 5a doing my research paper Wednesday night going into Thursday morning. And thankfully, I still have been maintaining a social life and went to a party Thursday night that ended up being incredibly awesome; it was a themed party of "Hipster Nation" and everyone in attendance was hipstered out. However, I didn't get home from that until 3:30a and still had homework due at noon the next morning, so by the time I ended up retyping an essay I had already submitted (after losing it because of the mugging incident) and the rest of my lesson plans for Common Hour, I got to sleep around 4:15a. Both days I texted one or two of my friends to make sure I was awake in time for the classes because I don't trust the alarm on my phone.

So, now we're up to last night where I went over to Tom and Damien's. We watched The Prestige and I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially after the movie where you wanted to discuss it for a-good-nother hour trying to figure out what the heck was going on. It wasn't like we were completely lost because it was definitely a movie that pulled it off. Here's the kicker though: on my way home I ran into some of my hipster friends from the night before and they invited me to another party. Being the social butterfly that I am I said it'd be fun to see a bunch of other people and some of the same from the party Thursday night.

Now, I'm sitting at my computer typing this without more than ten minutes of sleep (if that) to my credit for today. You may be wondering to yourself how I'm going to get through today without having much sleep in the past few days; well, lads and lasses, when I figure that out I'll let you know but it's probably going to be involving over consumption of caffeine and attempts to stay active today, and with the schedule I have going for today, it doesn't look like I'll have a problem with the 'active' part.

By the way, at one point will things start to make sense to me as far as "social norms" go? I feel like there was a big section of my life where I was supposed to learn so much about stuff that now that I'm in college I feel awkward when I don't know what to do, where to go, when should things happen. Why can't there just be a syllabus on how things should work, ya know? (my inner CQM coming out, RUN! jk).

Anyways, I guess I'll get to doing some stuff before my duty starts for the day. I believe I need food this second in my tummy but since I don't have any I'm going to drink the chocolate milk that occupys my fridge and hope I can eat a large meal soooooon.

Adios for now readers
-Eric

15 days? 15 days?! Are you fkng kidding me?!

I'll be in EGYPT in 15 DAYS?! I can't believe it. The time flew, right into the front of a semi-truck; I am not prepared to leave this country that soon.

There's been good and bad since I posted last...

I went to the Neo-Futurists again this past Saturday. It's not like a recent revelation, but I realize that I want to do anything I can for that ensemble. I am inspired by the people that are there and my time would be so well spent helping them out and learning on the side; I feel like against all my schoolwork and RA duties in the fall that I could still do it and I don't care if I can't because I'm going to try anyway, so I sent an email to them saying that I wanted to intern. The wheels are turning in more ways than one.

I went to a Chicago Fire game vs. AC Milan. AMAZING game. Ronaldhino played! AC won 1-0 but I was happy I got to see it with one of my best friends at DePaul :)

FEST was crazy cool! LUDA. All the bands performed well. Can we get a DJ next year for After-hours though? Please?

Certainly I have made a fool of myself in my many years on this Earth, often times unavoidably. I can't help it, ya know? Theater made me the way I am. Anyways, I made a shamble of myself on Friday when I couldn't find my friend's apartment, you know the situation, she had to come and find where I was. Well, we had a really nice time (doing schoolwork of course) and after I had left I realized I forgot my laptop chord (doh!). So, I went back and called her when I was close...again I walked right past her place. Ugh...my brain was fried that day, I guess.

Some things I have to accept, but I can't; I literally, can't. I don't want to give up, even when there's clear reason to believe another person wants to.

Ahhhh, this University Hall thing is growing old...I'm ready to move on.

I still have a lot of work to do for classes unfortunately. Tonight I have to, have to, get done my 15 page screenplay. I'm on page 11 now and I just can't wait to get it over with so I can move onto something else. Page restrictions are so....restricting.

Thursday I have an 8 page research paper due that I haven't started...oops? No. I did that on purpose, just to prove something. I won't say because I never know who reads this,...possibly my professor?

My Peer Education portfolio is due Friday.

Finally my poetry portfolio is due Monday...easy. Not worried.

Europe though,...sheeee; I guess you could say- I'm worried.

Normally I wouldn't post a blog just to do it and have another entry, but up until May 21st I had more blog posts than Jason Mraz (and I was pretty proud of that). I haven't checked since then but either way I feel I have been a little bit slacking on this so, here's what I gotta say.

These past few weeks have been ridiculous, a whirlwind of discombobulated snapshots over what seemed to be three days. I'm sitting and reflecting on my mugging, the outpouring of emotion from my friends, the reconnection and loss of a friend, my new job, and sincere "up in the air" future plans.

I still have no idea where I'm living next year. I still have no idea which class I'm teaching next quarter. I still have no idea where I'm going to stay my entire trip in Europe. I'm stuck in limbo for many of these things without a sense of when I'll be able to find out. It's kind of been a trend lately, just being in limbo, without any way of progressing; I feel like I can only lose out on what I've gained at this point.

I'm so ambiguous sometimes.

I got a new job working with my supervisor from my other job in Englewood. I like it a lot more.

2 weeks left of school! Since Memorial Day is a holiday DePaul takes off, two of my one-day a week classes are cancelled so I only have one more class in those.

FEST is next week. LUDACRIS! So excited. Also that weekend I'm going to see the Chicago Fire play AC Milan. My Memorial Day weekends have been pretty awesome for the past few years so I'm glad it's continuing the tradition.

Nervous about Europe. I feel like I have so much to plan but at the same time I don't really. Maybe because it's going to be only me. Probably.

Had a photo shoot Wednesday and Saturday. One for DePaul and one that is getting me headshots for acting.

From my poetry class I'm getting poetry overload. I'm still writing though. I'm writing A LOT. A lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with my blog, in preparation for this summer's projects.

There's really a lot going on right now in my life. Both good and bad.

This is a poem I wrote for Immediate Poetry Writing...I wrote it in 10 mins...I understand the quality suffered. It's in the form "litany."

Fate Makes

Fate makes the birds fly south
              and the fish swim upstream.
Fate makes wars possible,
              but what about peace?
Fate makes two lovers separate
               only to do it two-fold.
Fate makes this poem seem like an eternity,
               whereas lives are kept strictly to an hourglass.
Fate makes the food chain possible
               and my life expendable.

Fate makes children be born with mental disorders.
Fate makes fools of us all because
Fate makes believers out of false destinies and
Fate makes these promises without any regard;
Fate makes and breaks the rules.

This is why I don't believe in fate.

As a way to force myself to write honestly I practice this method of freewriting where I sit down and just type, without thinking too much on what I'm going to say, but just letting the words speak for themselves. Often times I find that I come up with an idea that I never thought of, or something that hadn't occurred to me which is always nice. This time I'm going to use a few topics though to get me going, So long as I don't go back and edit for spelling or punctuation, what you see in this blog will be first draft stuff, just kind of a thrown together idea salad.

annnnnd go

Today was the Student Affairs Leadership Training and I wasn't thrilled to wake up for it because I wasn't really sure what to expect other than what people had told me, about how boring it was. I found myself genuinely enjoying it though as I went from presentation to presentation.

The first one I went to was called 'Dialogue: Skills for Conversational Engagement' and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was interesting to think about how people talk and converse differently and I would definitely like to learn more on the topic so I can become a better conversationalist and really get to the meat of what people are trying to get across. Plus, the facilitator who was leading the presentation was awesome, I want to go back and talk more with the guy to get one on one tutoring because he was so successful at what he did; I respected that.

The next one was called 'F.I.S.H.!' and it was about empowered leadership.What it was really trying to get across were four main components on how to be a better leader. I saw myself using this more in my Chicago Quarter Mentor role as I teach first year students about things that they won't necessarily need right away in their college careers but can run into situations I talk about later on. The four components on making a class more enjoyable, according to the presentation was (1) Play, (2) Know Your Audience, (3) Choose Your Attitude, and (4) Be There. I won't delve too much into details about each one because it would just be me summing up the whole presentation, which I don't want to do. Anyways, I can definitely see myself using those things come the start of next fall!

We had lunch and I sat next to my co-RA's. Everyone as really nice and outgoing in bringing people into the conversation, they definitely made me feel at home.

The final presentation I went to was 'There's No "I" In Team' and it was about getting to know the people around you and how Icebreakers are a good way to develop relationship. As a proponent of community and communication I can still say that I hate icebreakers. I may have been better served by going to another presentation.

After some concluding statements the RA's were separated into their halls and had individual meetings. UAC went back to Housing Services and had our meeting and then toured the facilities. I'm upset we didn't learn where we were staying just yet. I hope I'm living on the 1st floor of Sanctuary. Out of all the rooms I definitely was drawn to that the most and hope that the fates see to grant my room appointment in the favor I want.

That was my little bit of SALT talk that I had, the whole thing lasted from 9a-5p. I decided to opt not to go out tonight, I haven't had much sleep the past few days; next week FOR SURE, I already have some things lined up, which is always a good sign.

Now, I will try and get some rest, wake up tomorrow and write a poem that I've been trying to write all week. I just can't seem to get the right words to match up. Gah!

Thus concludes the Freewriting exercise

Another poem from my Intermediate Poetry Writing class...it's a blank verse poem

Corner of Normal and Stewart (60621)
Fear of death is natural at nineteen,
we can't grasp what life offers luckier
patrons of this once in a lifetime fest.
So when attacked by five muggers who beat,
break, and steal- better to be safe than dead.

Never saw it coming, thought I was safe,
underneath this safety net cast by my
"dream" job on the South Side of Chicago;
I only liked it for the money though.
I told myself I'd quit if I got hurt.

Physically, when I hit the concrete,
with my face, held down by a sole who could
barely begin to empathize with the
cowering being underneath if it;
bruises, cuts, and sore skin formed on my head.

Emotionally, my trust dwindled. Now,
I can't walk down the street without thinking
that man is going to do the same. Swipe arms,
time to run, get met with reinforcements,
not a second to think, moments to act.

Shock is hard to absorb so keep your wits
sharper than the knife they may pull and don't
carry all you love in one case, it's much
easier to lose in one incident.
Fear itself is good to avoid getting killed.

This is Update #3 from the mugging incident...to be caught up, you can refer to a few posts down called "MUGGED"

I may not look as tough as I am on the outside as I am on the inside. With all of this shit being shoveled on me at once I have been able to look at it and sense that this is what it is, and I just have to face up to that.

I had a job with Imagine Englewood if for nine months before anything terrible happened to me. Sure, there were times when I was frightened by the antics of a person around me but nothing ever came out of it. The funny thing, or incredibly sad thing, is that I told myself that I'd only quit if I got physically assaulted because I can deal with the mind blocks people try and impose on me. As much as I tried to put it out of my mind I faced the same danger every single time I went down there, and if you've read my other blog posts you have to be aware that people told me I was "brave" for what I was doing, though I never really felt that way.

My point is, is that it could have happened any day, why yesterday? I'll never know, but thankfully it happened this close to the end of the year so I had the opportunity to work with the organization as long as I did. For as much as I hated my job, which I did a lot, it got me to go places I never would have dreamed about going and I got to see for myself what the South Side of Chicago is like, from the good side to the very rotten side and I've experienced a lot of suffering in the area aside from my own.

Today I had to go down to Union Station to pick up my train tickets home because I couldn't purchase them online and I really did not want to go alone, even with that many people around. The thing people don't realize is that muggings can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. If they think they can get away with it they will try to go through with it. I am happy that I am getting away from Chicago to restart my systems and come back with the same bright view of Chicago that I did before the incident. Remember though please, everything happens so fast, you don't have much time to react and within that small fraction of time you have to decide many different things; it's often best to do what I did and comply by getting on the ground and letting them take what they want to take.

I feel bad though, I'm glad again that I'm going home because while I was on the train I thought I saw one of the attackers, whether it was or not is irrelevant, because I don't want to think about it; I don't want to feel threatened anymore. My trip home will be nice to be in a comfortable environment again, I'm really hoping this is exactly what I need.

To reiterate my closing statements of last blog though, thank you to all those that have read, responded, or sent any kind of prayer my way; I will be alright...I will be alright...I will be alright, you guys have made much of the difference as going home will be the cherry on top. My parents always told me things happen for a reason, and whether or not I want to believe that it's applicable in this case, I have come to realize so many things about people in general and to the number of people who have and continue to make an impact on my life; thank you so much everyone.

If you don't know already what's happened please refer to the post below this one entitled "MUGGED." There you can be caught up on the most recent turn of events in my life.

Now for this post...

Try sleeping after you've been mugged earlier that day,...this is the challenge I am facing right now. Instead, I am downstairs in the basement of my residence hall writing this.

I gave it a go...I really did, trying to sleep that is. You can't help but replay the incident over and over in your head, working out all the scenarios possible and what exactly they're doing with all your stuff. What could I have done differently to avoid it, if anything? Then again, your mind is telling you there's probably nothing that could have prevented it. When five people go after you like they did today I don't think much could have been different.

In the darkness trying to sleep I could feel my jaw throbbing, my head pounding, my body aching, and the scratches and bruises from falling on the concrete rub against my constricting sheets.

I'll go back up there momentarily. I am shivering while typing this. I don't know if its because I'm cold or something else...

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for filling my Facebook wall up with well wishes; I have been blessed with some of the greatest people alongside of me, I don't know where I would be without you all, or who I would be for that matter. I genuinely owe each of you more than a comment back on a wall and know that I will help any of you with anything you need help with. I've decided to write each of you a personalized thank you card on the train ride home to fill the time, 8 hours of thank you card writing back and forth should be sufficient.

Again, really people, thank you thank you thank you. Expect those cards soon

This is the email I sent to my boss after the incident in its entirety. There's more underneath it too.

Ms Hill:
I wanted to let you know about the events that transpired today on my way to work, I feel that I owe you that, knowing I was supposed to work from 3:00-9:00pm tonight. I'm sure by now you are already somewhat aware of what happened but I wanted to clarify exactly what happened.

Like every Wednesday on my way to work I got off the red line and proceeded to walk over to True Vine. I came earlier than usual, hoping to make it to the office by 2:30 because my enrollment for classes was set to take place at that time and I didn't want to miss the opportunity for a class that I wanted. At 2:25 I had checked my phone and I was crossing the playground over to Normal (I think the street name is). I turned onto the street and opened my laptop as I walked in order to make sure I had it ready for the 2:30 enrollment assignment.

Behind me, I heard footsteps and I turned around to look who it was. An African American male about 5'10 with a gray shirt tried to run past me and swipe the computer from my hands. I turned my body away from the attacker and looked at him and asked him what he was trying to do. He ordered me to hand over my laptop and I refused so I turned around and started to run back towards the playground that I passed through. Unfortunately, three men were behind me stopping my escape. I stood frozen as the original mugger pushed me into the other three and they demanded I hand my laptop over, again I refused. I was then punched across the face by another African American male about 5'5-5'6 with a white polo. The total number of people around me was five.

I fell to the ground not hoping to instigate more violence and someone stepped on my head to stop me from getting up. They swiped my pants pockets and stole my laptop, iPod, cell phone, external hard drive and ran off into the alley. Someone on the Robeson High School baseball field saw the attack and called the cops. There, I waited as the cops came to take the profiles of the people I saw. The people around me waited until the police came and we went into the school and looked at the security tapes to see if it caught what happened, I just was out of view of the camera it turns out.

I don't know what time it was when the police brought me to True Vine to talk to you, but you weren't there. In my state I was emotional and aggravated so I apologize for the way I came off to those there. I left with the police and they gave me a ride home to Fullerton.

I am sitting on a friends computer now having completed putting the pictures on the websites slide show. I feel I have completed the last objective you gave me. Today, my worst fears about Englewood were realized and I am truly sorry that it happened, I would have gladly stayed on the position. Talking to my family and confronting my own personal conflicts, I regret to inform you that today will be the last day I come to True Vine to be an intern with the organization. My talks with you a few weeks ago, should be a testament to the experience that I had working at 'Imagine Englewood if.' If you still need me to write up something about my experience, omitting the most recent occurrence, I will do so.

I am going to be emailing my supervisor after I finish with this email and will be letting her know what happened. Please understand my side and I wish you all the best in continuing the efforts within the Englewood community, I know how much they need it.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about the websites or anything feel free to email me. Know though, I don't have a laptop at the moment and am not able to read my email as often.

Take care,
Eric David Ruelle


So the little bit of extra stuff I had to write was about the police giving me a ride home. Not only did South Siders reinforce typical stereotypes but the Chicago police as well continued the trend.

The police took a while to show up to the place where I was attacked and it was only one car with three people in it. They took down the information of the people and said they would go looking for them and that another car was on their way. We saw the other police car drive right by us and again it took a while for them to find where I was, even though I gave them exact intersection names.

So the two police officers that I spent the most time with were, to me, Sergei Federov (the NHL player) and Erik Estrada (from CHiPs). They were nice. They took me anywhere I needed to go. It wasn't fun for me though because I was riding in the back of the police patrol car, which isn't comfortable and alienating.

The thing about these two were was that they didn't care what they say or did in front of me, obviously. They offered to take me back to DePaul, which I didn't really care about, I mean, they stole pretty much everything I had. Instead of going the highway, they took me down Halsted. Are you kidding me po-po? Referred to one of the officers as "the scenic route." They seemed less concerned about getting me back to DePaul than wasting time getting me there.

On the way we talked about sports, avi.

They also talked about getting "shit-faced" and "plastered" on the weekends...apparently Sergei enjoys the spirits.

The experience of riding in the cop car can't be beat I must say, especially when you've done nothing wrong...it's funny to see how stop lights become stop signs and what they say about the other drivers on the road.

I got out of the vehicle at the corner of Racine and Fullerton. Fortunately, there was someone right next to me from my residence hall,...he looked at me, paused, and said "Sup?" As nonchalantly as I could I said "Sup?" back and walked down Fullerton towards University Hall. I felt pretty badass by doing it.

In all,...I had a pretty interesting day...I got mugged, quit my job, bought tickets to go home, emailed my professors about the incident, and all my important information is gone. Where do I go from here? I have no idea.

As to my physical condition, I'm sore, my head hurts and I have a few cuts and bruises.

Next month I'll be leaving for Europe and I still can't believe it, it feels like I still have so much left to plan when in reality I have a lot of things under control. This blog isn't really about what I will be doing in Europe, though I'm sure as I move closer to the date I will write about it, it's more about what I hope to gain from the experience.

For me, it will be the first time I go overseas. Sure, I have been to a bunch of places in the Northwestern Hemisphere but it seems like such a huge step to venture into the Eastern Hemisphere (dah duh dummmm). It's not just Europe I'm visiting either because my first stop is in Cairo, Egypt to visit my friend who lives there when not in school.

By the time I get back I want to have written a lot.
I want to write a series called "Lucky Penny Moments" where little instances of luck resulting in something positive. These will be short, more like Tweets, but I don't know how much access I'll have to internet so my notebook will serve as the note holder.

I want to come out of Europe with a few novel ideas. Ideas that I can actually use sometime to write a book. It's time to start expanding my repertoire from short stories, sketches, and poems to quality stories and screenplays of length.

I am hoping to think critically about my future. I mean, for real, not like the dreams that I have but how I can actually accomplish them.

I want to come back with stories. Of all kinds.

I'm going to be traveling alone as far as I know...so, I want to test myself to go places even when I'm tired and don't want to walk anymore.

I don't know, there's so much...I'm just really looking forward to the 14th of June where I leave home for a long and exciting journey. Yeee.

This is an English Sonnet I wrote for Intermediate Poetry Writing Class


Dear Sister,

I can honestly say that you test my
Endurance to tolerate a sibling.
Fourteen years, seemingly is a long time
Without understandings on anything.
I remember our younger days when we
Climbed mountains made of stairs just to let go.
We'd spread our arms when it was windy,
Believing we could fly. Nothing to show.
That was short lived and arguing became
Games we both wanted to win. Our lives
Were made unbearable, it was a shame
Neither of us ever apologized.
I'm glad now we're working through it; truth be,
A better man is what you have made me.

I love you sis,
Eric


Again, first draft stuff...hope you enjoyed

I have some time before I go to sleep so I guess I'll go over today in a nutshell and what tomorrow will be like.

SO, today was Vincentian Service Day and I was debating for a month about whether or not I wanted to do it. I had a great experience last year but I knew the people that I was going with and didn't know RHC had a site that they were doing this year, so instead of going and volunteering I stayed in...I know, lame; but it's okay.

I was in my room and I got to think about a lot of stuff...how independence is such a big thing and how in college I'm in this weird mode where I'm still so reliant on my parents I can't really say how much independence I actually have.

I had a dream last night where I put the USB part of my wireless mouse on the back of the mouse and there was a little notch on the USB and the mouse so they could fit together. Before that I had no idea that this could be done. When I woke up I looked and was amazed at how they lined up and when the USB fit in with the mouse it turned off. Now when I'm not using my wireless mouse I can turn it off. I was proud of dreaming that. PS I had a dream the day before last night and it was about me writing a novel that was really epic. I'm really sad I can't remember anything about the novel.

After lunch I went back to my room and purchased the MLB TV function for my PS3 on a monthly subscription. I'm really happy I did because I saw Jeremy Bonderman throw a really good game and Johnny Damon hit a walk-off homerun to win the game. Good choice.

The game ended and by that point it was time to hang out with my friend Kirk, a good friend from the summer going into Freshman year of high school. We have far too many tales to bring the reader up to speed on what our relationship is like but every time we need to hang out it's always hilarious and fun. Today we went downtown and ate Noodles & Co at Millennium Park. We people watched for a while and walked down Michigan to the Apple store. Then we proceeded to head back to his place and sit on his fire escape which faces West with a pretty good view. However, when we got there and looked out to where we'd be sitting, his neighbor who also had access to the fire-escape on the other side, was taking a shower and the open window he was standing in front of highlighted and framed the genital area of the man. It was awkward to say the least knowing we couldn't go out on the fire escape with a man taking a shower right next to us...it was a "had to be there" moment but it was hilarious none the less. For real though, his whole body was covered by a glass window that was blurred except for that completely clear area where it could be opened to lead out onto the fire escape. Imagine about to go out and you're stopped dead in your tracks by a penis on the other side of the fire escape; craziness.

I left Kirk's and went to the UC downtown to be with my peeps down there. We watched The Dark Knight in the Media Room. On my way out I ran into an old friend and we got to talking for a long time, it was nice to see him and meet his friends. I'm hoping we get to chill next weekend or something.

All in all it was a good Saturday, aside from that penis thing.

Tomorrow is all about homework, RHC, and chillaxing before the week starts. I don't know if it'll be tough or not. I'm thinking it will be because I have a Poetry presentation next week that I haven't started on and an Intro to Mass Comm essay due Thursday; we'll see though, I haven't really been challenged yet this quarter, thankfully.

Writing another play.
Look for it to be performed at the end of May.
Midterms are here.
Screenwriting MidTerm- Half Done.
Poetry MidTerm- Done.
Intro to Mass Comm MidTerm- Thursday.
Multimedia & the World Wide Web- Next Week.
For this week I still have a poem to write.
I'm looking forward to the rest of the quarter.
I have no idea what the next five weeks will look like.
This quarter has been a relief, it hasn't been terribly difficult.
Planning for courses next quarter sucks.

I burn bridges.
Habitually.

I didn't want to dirty another page in my notebook with pen so I forged ahead and wrote a blog instead.

I caught my last thought before I went to sleep and tried to let it go.

Then, I awoke this morning and there it was again, as if haunting me for an unforeseeable reason. So I shut my eyes and tried to go back to sleep, to escape, which happened pretty successfully; however, I remember during my slumber I shrieked, but I couldn't control it, I was having a nightmare of sorts; I can just vaguely pick out pieces that were familiar.

Of course, the thought was about "you," and no I'm not talking about you, "you" is more of an abstraction, unless the "you" I'm referring to is indeed reading this, then indeed the "you" really is you; but I would have no way of knowing if "you" will ever read this and will truly understand that it's about you, because honestly how many you's are there in this world? Without naming names.

"You" inspire me to write shitty poetry because there aren't enough moments to pull from, just flashes of scenes from a poorly written movie that nobody wants to see, all sewn together to create a mosaic of film strips lined alongside each other that with a flick of a switch can spark, burn to a crisp, and enable me to forget. I can't help but look to it for creative inspiration while it lasts.

Tonight, I'll go to bed again knowing what awaits, the thought. I'll try to shut off that part of my brain that conjures up demons so I may sleep in peace, but I know I can't; because all "you" have been to me is a dream, once vivid, slowly decaying, waiting for that fateful spark.

another poem from my Intermediate Poetry Writing class...

In my constant effort to answer the question: who am I? I have thought long and hard about aspects in my life that seem complicated and obscure; I've really tried to get to the center of just what makes me different than everyone else, how it is that my thoughts translate into actions, and so on and so forth. For the readers, maybe you've already discovered yourselves or are still in the process... I am about twenty years into my research and I can be the most confusing and dynamic thing to try and get a firm grasp on, I can only imagine other people's difficulties in trying to figure me out.

Something that has perplexed me for too long is how insecurities play into decision making and action taking. They lie in the back of your mind and can pop out at only the worst possible places. It's amazing too how insecurities are more like a flash instantly and they come and go so fast you may not know exactly what it is that you're insecure about but it's just weighing you down, not allowing you to do something you may otherwise want to do. And maybe I'm blabbering on about this and it seems like a 'woe is me' concept, but it's not, and if you are thinking that stop reading; I'm only doing this to assess the situation going on in my head.

1.
Talking about feelings for me is hard. It takes a ballpoint pen and a blank piece of paper for me to get my words just right. Possibly because I don't want to take ownership over the words I speak, like I'd be putting myself on that preverbal plank that extends over Rejection Ocean, and I'm scared of closing my eyes and taking that step out into the unknown, for fear of falling and failing; I'm at least not afraid to admit that. I mean, I don't reject myself because I'm the only one who is forced to live with me 24/7. I'm my own best friend.

Honestly, that's all I got to say right now on the subject of insecurities. I have them. They're bothersome. It doesn't make me weak for admitting that, it just shows I'm strong enough to face them. There may be only one I go over in this blog (who knows I may write more in the future about them) but it's not easy to admit to them in a public arena like this.



PS- Why can't people talk more openly about insecurities? Are they insecure about them?

You know it's something when you get off a bus to do community service and the person who leads you towards where the site is calls you "brave" for walking and taking public transit to the area; the area in question is 69th Street and Ashland.

Today was the Clean & Green Citywide clean-up day all across Chicago and I have an internship with 'Imagine Englewood if...' a non-profit organization on the South Side of Chicago that helps the youth of that area by providing resources, mentors, a safe place to go after school, and lead poisoning evaluations; the Englewood area has the highest concentration of lead poisoning in the nation. For my paid internship I go down there and help by doing whatever the boss needs me to do. Often, I make databases, type up rosters, work on the websites, and I've even taught a class early in the year on Radio Broadcasting.

On Wednesday my boss asked what I was doing Saturday (today). I moaned a "Nothing, why?" The subject was brought up about the Clean-Up and I glumly said I would.Waking up early on a Saturday wasn't what I had been hoping for though.

My alarm was set for 7:50am...at about 3:45am the same morning, giving me about 4 hours to sleep. I actually woke up around 7:34 and decided to turn off my alarm before I got up completely. The next thing I remember it's 8:30 and then I fell asleep again and woke up at 9:06. Each minute I looked at the clock I would keep thinking, one more minute. I finally got up at 9:15 and put on some old pants and my green RHC shirt.

From there it was the normal travel, except I took the red line down to 63rd and took the 63rd bus to Ashland, where I took that bus back North to 60th Street. I met a few people and cleaned up. Got a call from my boss at 11 and said I was in the wrong spot, she picked me up and took me to 68th where I helped out another group for about 15min before they gave up. I still had some business at the other location so I ran from 69th to 60th Street which on Google maps amounts to 1.1 miles. So I got my workout in at least. On my run I had some catcalls, it was unnerving. It's happened a lot when I've went to work. Since I had never been around Ashland that far Southwest I really had to be aware; I am what the one guy called me I guess, "brave."

One awesome thing though is that I got to ride the green line back to Roosevelt. The green line is very scenic and I recommend everyone at least go down and back; it's not like you have to leave the platform at Ashland.

So, anyways...that was experience today. I did some cleaning and I got paid for it. But I'm really tired now.

Post Note:
I was listening to my iPod on my way to the site and I was waiting for the 63rd bus. This homeless guy saw me and gave me a list of his favorite music. So random. But kinda cool too. They are:
The Best of Yaz
BeeGee's- Number Ones
D Train- Looking For, "Keep on"
Keyshia Cole- Rec, Sad and Lonely

o, yeah...I think this is going to be a returning feature here on my blog. I mentioned before that I love finding new music to listen to and it often comes from leaving my radio or television on long enough I can find something. Now, I'm not saying this is completely new music, it's just new to me, and I enjoy it.

The first song is by Cypress Hill:
What the hell? Cypress Hill? Insane in the Membrane? Tequila Sunrise? Whhaaaa? This blew my mind. The collaboration between Cypress Hill, Marc Anthony, and Pitbull is such an odd compilation but it works! Astounding! Plus, I love the Crosby, Stills & Nash sample from 'Judy Blue Eyes.' I couldn't find the music video that would allow me to embed, but here is the music...I recommend actually watching the music video too. It's pretty cool.


Flobots:
"I can ride my bike with no handlebars," evolves with their newest album. I enjoy their style and having Rise Against front man Tim MicIlrath has some nice screaming parts too. After hearing this song I'm going to be following Rise Against and Flobots more closely. They're both awesome. "White Flag Warrior"


Vampire Weekend:
I had never actually listened to Vampire Weekend until I saw them on MTVU. It's hard to judge them solely based on one song that I've heard, and really this is the only one, but they maintain a loyal fanbase who I hear speak fondly of their music. I was surprised when I realized how many people listened to them, but I'm beginning to understand why. PS The cameos by Jake Gyllenhaal and RZA are amazing. Wasn't expecting that.


B.o.B:
I think in my last music blog I gave a video of this guy and he's just coming out now but he's pretty good. Nothing to jump and shout about but he has quality material. This is another example. The line "Nu-nu-nuh-nothin on you" gets stuck and loops in my head.


Chiddy Bang:
I solely like this song because of MGMT's "Kids." This song takes what "Kids" did and flips it on its head creating something new and entertaining. I haven't listened to any more of Chiddy Bang, so it is what it is. Check out fratmusic.com for more songs like this. Props for Asif and Shemal for finding the past two vids for me.


Laura Marling:
I could listen to this woman's voice for a very long time. Entrancing. "Devil's Spoke" Good tune. Loves it.


Mumford & Sons:
Finally, at least for this blog, is Mumford & Sons with "Little Lion Man." This song is good because it pretty much says what a lot of people think. It's some good stuff with super guitar playing and rhythm. Yeah!

I'm stuck without a fully functioning spacebar on my laptop keyboard because I spilled Pepsi on it. I had a poem due on Monday for my poetry class and didn't have anything to write about and I was on a deadline so I wrote a haiku about the incident. Enjoy.

Greasy Haiku
Fucking waffle fries,
you made my hands all greasy.
My drink lay close by.

A foreshadowing:
I never asked for fries. You
are God-damn evil.

You killed my precious.
Took her down in her prime, I'm
lost without her here.

The drink slipped. Regret.
Her blue screen would fill my dark
room and heart; no more.

Rest in peace laptop.


That's my poem hurrah. I have to revise all these poems by the end of the quarter so I may put my final drafts on here or not, you may just have to be content with the bad ones.

It is a hard fact to soak in, that after many years, the Lakeshore Theater has closed its doors and has formally ceased operations.

Heartbreak is understandable when I have a connection like this:

I went to my first show at the Lakeshore on Thursday September 25th, 2008, my Freshman year at DePaul University, and I know this because I kept every single ticket stub from every single show I've been to and pinned them to my cork board. It was strange how I happened to go because I went to dinner with a few friends and one of the people I was with saw someone else I had never met and got to talking about a comedy show they had tickets for but couldn't go to that night, so I offered to relieve him of his tickets, and we swapped numbers; I picked up the tickets about a half hour later outside his residence hall. There I was, with two tickets to see Christian Finnegan (of VH1 fame) live, and I had nobody to go with even as show time continued to grow closer. I almost gave up going all together because nobody wanted to come but my suitemate finally caved in and came with me; neither of us regretted it.

Note that the same night we went, there was a late show and an early show. The tickets I had were for the early show but at the late show Robin Williams showed up and did stand-up comedy for a crowd of surprised spectators. SO AWESOME!

From that point on I was immersed in a world of underground Chicago comedy. Stand up comedians that hadn't been heard of before in the mainstream had a chance to show what they had there. In all honesty, I took too much advantage of the free tickets that were being given out. It seemed like every single week I was getting an email or call from the venue offering tickets so I always would take them up on it; hey, it was a free show, and it wasn't like I was 21, so I couldn't buy alcohol either way. It was a win-win for me and the friends that I was able to bring along.

I saw Maria Bamford, TJ Miller, Jamie Kilstein, Bo Burnham, Mike DeSefano, and Todd Barry all within my Freshman year at DePaul for free (with the exception of Bo Burnham) but no comic came close to the sheer brilliance of Jim Jeffries, a man I had never heard of up until seeing him live Friday November 21st, 2008. The man was completely drunk on stage (it was the late show) but I honestly can say I have never laughed so hard in my entire life; my chest was burning by the end of it and I was practically keeled over the whole time howling like a banshee, in a good way though. The things that were coming out of Jim's mouth were so new, offensive, and quick I will never ever forget it. The man literally got off the stage and proceeded to walk around the audience making fun of people and breaking people down. Jim was so drunk he brought out the House Manager at the time, sat him down on the stage, made fun of him, and then tea-bagged him onstage; it was fucking amazing and I mean that. The show lasted far longer than anyone anticipated because Jim did probably two to three hours of straight comedy...I just literally can't explain the gargantuan effect it had on me. I had never seen a more honest and true performer in my life and still haven't seen anyone match him, even the likes of Chappelle or Cook.

During the Lakeshore Channel Taping on March 28th, 2009 I actually got up on stage and did some comedy in front of a semi-large crowd with two friends planted in there somewhere...I won't lie since that day it's been a dream of mine to get back on that same platform and do more, unfortunately that dream won't be coming true as far as I can tell with the Lakeshore's closing. I never even got around to writing material for the Lakeshore Open Mics that had been going on for a little bit, no time to practice or write I almost regret it now, even though had I done it I would have been completely ill-prepared.

My Sophomore year I even made an effort to get people to the Lakeshore to experience the same things that I had early in the first quarter. On August 29th, 2009 I took twelve people from my residence hall, after having met them only a few days prior, to see Ted Alexandro, another hilarious dry-humor styled comedian. I followed that up by taking ten of my students from the class that I was teaching to see Jim Jeffries on October 16th, 2009 to similar, yet much more restrained, hilarious comedy that I had seen before.

I constantly was inviting people to see shows at the Lakeshore Theater with me. Pretty much anyone I have ever been close to throughout my college experience has had me offer them a chance to come with me and see a show at the Lakeshore Theater because it truly was a place where comedy thrived and the people were treated with excellent entertainment; I'm happy that I was able to accommodate most of the people who had an interest to go with tickets.

Granted, not every show blew my head away like Jim Jeffries. It's safe to say that I wasn't impressed by Mike DeStefano or Robert Hines but amongst that I still never thought that the owner and lead booker for talent, Christopher Ritter, didn't have my interest in mind because more times than not I was impressed. Ritter booked the big acts like Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the Sklar Brothers among others but he gave comedians like Nick Thune, TJ Miller, and Jamie Kilstein a chance to showcase their comedy and grow their fanbase before they blew up on the national scene. If you're familiar with comedy, you should know that TJ Miller was named to Comedy Central's Hot List and that Nick Thune has been on Leno, both with their own Comedy Central Presents while Jamie Kilstein has his own radio show and tours with Janeane Garofalo.

This last performance at and for the Lakeshore Theater by Jim Jeffries, was again, to say the least, amazing. I am just in love with what he does on stage. I have had so much history with the Lakeshore in so little time that I and even Ritter were surprised when almost a quarter of the audience clapped when the question was posed whether it was their first time at the Lakeshore seeing a show. You see, because of that, it tells me the Lakeshore wasn't dead before they announced their closing on April 1st (fitting, right?) and it isn't dead now even though it's closed; people will remember tonight, the events previous, and what the Lakeshore Theater meant to comedy in Chicago. I am so sad to see the Lakeshore close but I will follow what advice Chris Ritter left the audience with- to never buy into the mainstream and give places like the Lakeshore a chance. All-State arena may get big acts but it's all commercial, while you get real people at smaller venues, that are dedicated to the art of comedy and not the profits (not Zanies). It's funny that the biggest joke pulled over all of us by the Lakeshore was that the thing that it was best at doing lead to its demise. Irony is a bitch.

RIP Lakeshore Theater: April 11th, 2010.

I had two different assignments from two different classes and I was able to morph one idea into fitting them both.

This is my Screenwriting assignment; I had to write about an emotional event and I chose to do it on my first kiss.

The Beach

She was wearing watermelon lip gloss. I was nervous.
We were surrounded by trees, a path of sand leading down to the beach.
She had her hands behind her back. I had mine folded across my chest.
We stood with our legs shoulder width apart about an arm's length apart from each other.
She would smile at me and then glance at the ground. I would glance at her and then would look at the breaking waves and stars, the moon partially blocked by the leaves and branches of the tallest tree.
We would catch our eyes looking at the other's.
She had an enticing perfume on. I probably should have worn more antiperspirant.
We weren't oblivious to what the other was thinking.
She thought I was thinking that I was in over my head. I thought she was thinking that she couldn't give me any more hints.
We were young and facing easier problems then.
She took a step forward. I took my right hand and put it just above her left hip and my right hand went to the back of her right shoulder blade to pull her close.
No, that's not what I did. That's what I should have done. I took a step forward instead.
We found each other at the perfect time in our lives.
I leaned forward, lips slightly closed. She leaned forward, lips slightly open.


This is my poem I wrote for Intermediate Poetry Writing and it was a little harder because the professor had a few guidelines you had to follow for the poem. So, I took the same concept and molded it into this poem:


State Park
My still frame        memories
                            hang on me,
weighing my body
                            down  
where the pictures of good times are kept.

We were surrounded
                            by the pine trees
and caught by our own eyes
                            and our innocence
which made us feel free to explore.

It was my first time,
                            though I believe
it was your first time,
                            our lips knew
we should have stayed in that moment forever,
we should have stayed in that moment forever.

I need to get all this out as fast as possible; I haven't updated much since Spring Break ended but I've been thinking about this honest, I just haven't figured to post anything.

My new screenwriting class has me writing in a completely different notebook, halting the progress I had with another notebook, which sucks because I was very close to filling it completely up with just my outside writing, which is a feat for me. Plus, with this notebook/journal we have to keep I'm more likely to write something in there than I am on here. An example of that would be the one I wrote on the train. Now, none of that stuff is really relevant and only for the moment but oh well...

I am home in Port Huron now, sitting and typing this up at 1am, like so many other things I've written on this computer this late. It's always odd coming back after an extended period away because everything seems different even though it's exactly the same. I know the routine though. I know who and where I need to go in the two days I'll be here. Driving is an experience I'm looking forward to having again, plus I won't have to deal with those crazy Chicago drivers or like I had to deal with Floridian drivers while I was driving my sister's car around the last time I went down there.

So Easter's coming up...that's all on that subject.

I don't know I'm just really excited for this quarter. So far I've been having a blast and can't wait to see what other things await me in the near-future. With Europe coming up quick I realize over and over again how lucky I am as a person to be living the life I am...

I was walking to get dinner and I had my headphones in...but I didn't notice there was no music on until I got there; I didn't do this on purpose. My inner monologue was so engaging and rich it lasted me the ten minute walk when I finally realized I had my headphones in.

I needed that walk though...needed that time to reflect on the recent past, present, and future.
____

I had a performance class this past quarter and we were given some questions we could ask a person we had to perform as in class. I never used these questions because I performed one of my good friends but I figured I'd answer them now for myself, for the readers that care.

What are three of your typical gestures:
I guess when I'm thinking I tilt my head and bite my lip. When I get angry, stressed, or frustrasted my bottom lip purses up. Also, I guess when I'm talking to someone my eyes open wider and I use my hands a lot if I'm having trouble with a concept.

What are your three of your unique vocal qualities:
Of late I feel like I'm developing an accent which stresses the middle of words, I don't know, it's weird and I don't know why I'm getting it. Normally, I feel like I have a pretty traditional MidWest-Michigan accent, which I don't think there really is one. I talk pretty regularly.

How do you feel when a stranger enters into your personal space:
I guess nervous. There's got to be a reason for that person to get so close and if you're just meeting a person or you don't know them at all it's hard to be sure of a motive.

How do you physically respond when you are angry:
Well my fists clench. I get very talkative and ramble. I may curse, a lot. I don't raise my voice very much, I'm not that kind of person. I don't get mad very much but I do boil over at points; I've been pretty good at maintaining a temper ever since middle/high school. My friends know the story of prom-planning hahaha, simply classic.

What things consistently make you smile:
Compliments because I take them to heart. Being on stage and doing theater. I love it so much. Networking. Flirting at any point in a relationship.

When you last cried, what was it about:
I can't remember the last time I cried but it was probably after a movie. Actually, the last time I remember I cried was when i watched the Scrubs series finale on Comedy Central at the beginning of this school year; it was really sad because I love that show and it was really well done. It was awkward though because mid-cry I got a knock on my door from two people who wanted to ask me a question so I had to supress the tears and the embarrassment as much as I could in order to talk to them hahaha. I was really close to tears many times last quarter because I felt so stressed out and didn't know how I could handle it all. I would literally have to fall into bed after a long day and keep myself from breaking down.

Are you uncomfortable being alone:
No, I guess not. I get bored sometimes but I've gotten used to being alone...I would tell you about it, but it might make me cry hahaha.

How do you feel when there is silence:
Amazing. It's something that I miss here in the city. It's never dead silent here like it gets back home. I remember during Winter Break I got home from hanging out with friends and stood out in my back yard staring up at the stars for at least thirty minutes...it was wonderful...even though it was below zero.

What spiritual activities do you engage in each day? Week? Year:
Not many, unless you count writing as a spiritual activity which I should because it really is something so therapeutic to me, much like a religious person may think praying is therapeutic. I also celebrate spiritual holidays, but don't really involve myself in the spiritual side of them.

What happens after death:
I guess I'll figure that out someday, right? Hopefully not soon. I want to believe there's some life after death. I've grown to like myself and could live with myself for eternity. I want there to be a spirit within me that goes on and continues to learn.

How do you feel about "Christmas":
Good concept but we've lost touch with the meaning. It's a holiday though and I'm all for holiday's.

How do you feel about "Hanukkah":
Mozletov. I've never celebrated it but I like that people are proud of their religion enough to keep celebrating Hanukkah and not let the Christmas freaks get their hopes down.

What was the last book you read that was not assigned for class:
Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I had never read Kurt Vonnegut and decided it was finally time during my Winter Break and into my second quarter this year.

What course or person most expanded your thinking:
That is an incredibly tough question to answer because I am a product of the people that I've met and interacted with over the years. I've learned and picked up things from people that I've only talked to for a few hours. I guess though one of the driving people in my life was Mr. Dwyer, a teacher I had for every year in high school. He taught me a lot about myself and how a person should be. I owe a lot to him. I owe a lot to all of my teachers, but I guess him especially because we were pretty close.

How do you feel about television:
It's good for what ails you,...

In what activities are you the most creative:
Writing, Theater, pretty much anything I set my mind to I try and do it wholeheartedly, and I'm creative either way so you bring me into something and you get my level of creativity too in any situation. I don't like to start something and leave it unfinished (thanks Dad, I have you to blame for that one haha).

If you had to choose a career in some artistic field, what career would you choose:
Acting in one man shows that I have written for thousands of people and writing a sports column on the side.

What book or poem is particularly meaningful to you:
My Norton Anthology of Poetry, damn is that thing awesome. I also cling to the Alex Rider adventure books I read as a kid because they were always entertaining to read.

When was the last time you did something artistic:
I believe I'm doing some artistic thing by writing this blog :D

What is your favorite clothing for attending class, going out to dinner, and staying at home:
I like jeans and a shirt, long sleeve or short sleeve, for all the above, but I do like to dress up every now and again when something is going on outside of the house.

What are your views on body modifications:
There are extremes. To what level you want to take your body I respect that but I also note that there are social norms and people notice when you bend them including me. I'm not saying they're bad, they just pop out in a crowd, no offense need be taken.

What style of language do you speak at home, with friends, in class:
Natural at home, though I do censor myself to please my family. Informal with friends, whatever comes to mind I don't hold back. In class I push the envelope between informal and formal because I'm that smart-ass who makes a funny comment when nobody answers the question the professor is asking. Oh the stories I have from those experiences.

Well, that's all the questions. Congrats for reading this far! Any follow up questions don't hesitate to ask; any extrapolations you want I will do.

I haven't spent a lot of time listening to the radio, watching MTV, or anything like that during this school year so this Spring Break has been an eye opener to some new artists that are really awesome.

First up One EskimO:
I have fallen in love with their easy listening beats and sweeping lyrics. I also like how they have half an album of songs and the other half music videos called "The Adventures of One EskimO." So far all of the videos I have seen are ballin' and I will be purchasing the album very soon. Here's one of their singles and original videos.


Next is Dan Black:
Dan Black is a lot like MIKA, but a lot calmer and more hip-hop. I enjoy him for that and his songstyle.So one of my friends gave me Kid Cudi's albums and it is amazing, I could listen to it in its entirety many times over. This is Dan Black ft Kid Cudi in a song called "Symphonies," which is another great music video. I encourage you to check out more Dan Black specific stuff too, you won't be disappointed.


Copeland:
Saw them live on their farewell tour and only heard one of their songs previous to seeing the concert. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. This is one of the songs that stood out to me most.


I've been in a very laid back mood which is why a lot of the music follows that but here's a more upbeat song I saw him perform, it was rather good. My own qualm with this video is the longer intro.


All these songs and artists have the Eric Ruelle stamp of approval.

I'm picking up an accent. I don't know where from or why...

My greatest excitement of the day came in the form of Bacci's Pizza...

The most energy I exerted was lugging my dirty laundry down and back from the basement...

You know things are bad when I get a call from my sister and I see a problem all the way through until its finished, rather than getting frustrated and giving up...

I even found myself on Chatroulette...that's pretty much when my pulse started thinning.

So, I've learned my lesson. Though this whole, the being bored thing, isn't all bad. I'm catching up on all the boring time I failed to have this year so far and as much as it pains me to say it I am ready to start school again and have my life filled with meetings, classes, homework, dates, and work because that's what I've become accustomed to.

This weekend shouldn't be all bad. Friday I'm going to a movie with people and I'm also volunteering with the Neo's. Saturday is relatively open but I'm probably seeing a comedy show at 7:30 and Sunday hasn't really been planned either but I'm hoping to see it fill up (I know some of the food places open on campus :D).

I sent a "Wish Email" tonight, about fifteen minutes ago. It's like emailing Oprah and hoping to hear back from her...it's just one of those things where if there was anything you could do, you would do it, and emailing a person that could make a difference isn't so out of the ordinary.

I've done it before. I emailed Scot Rasmussen, one of the founders of ESPN and interviewed him for my research paper. I sent a letter to Bill Clinton when he was in office and just like any other one of these you don't expect to hear back, but there it was about six weeks later, a first class envelope with my name on it and a letter signed by Bill Clinton. Whether he wrote it or even signed it doesn't matter, the fact was I got something back.

Though, it hasn't worked out all the time. I will admit to emailing Oprah twice, for two different things. I emailed Adam Sandler when I was in high school and pretty much gave him the synopsis of Funny People, without the cancer part. I'm not saying I deserve credit or anything for the movie but I did send him an email expressing a film idea about a successful comic who brings in a struggling one and gives him the tools he needs to be successful, and we all know that was the better part of the movie anyway. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear back. I emailed David Letterman. I even sunk so low to send Joy Behar from The View an email, I'm not proud of it. I wanted to be a comedian dammit!

A few months ago I sent a letter to Senator Tom Coburn who was delaying a bill that would help rescue the children soldiers of Uganda because it was something I cared about.

Why do I send these emails/letters to random people hoping they can provide something for me that I or others cannot? I guess I have hope. I've always had hope that a person would see my email, read it, and consider helping a person like me out. Honestly, I don't know how common it is either to email a celebrity or a ticketing agency for tickets to a show, it just doesn't sound like a familiar concept I've chatted with my friends about. I'm interested to see if any other people have done something like this, and what the reasoning was behind it. You are welcome to post stories below and comment on this :D

My mom said on the phone today that I shouldn't be afraid to spend my money; so I did. Maybe she only meant in terms of feeding myself but when she makes a notion like that I'm going to take it wholeheartedly. I bought The Mask on BluRay, a movie I needed to have within my collection.

Creedence Clearwater Revival is an amazing band. So many classics.

I went downtown today and did some people watching. It was nice. I took the back roads instead of going straight down Michigan Ave. I love those moments when it makes a person say "You don't see that very often;" I had a few instances like that today.

Got to eat at Five Guys for lunch. Delicious. And Filling.

Hate the hiccups.

Well now I'm just biding time until something happens. I'll go workout later and perhaps get some good news.